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Finding Joy in the Everyday

2012-01-28T23:20:00.003-07:00

As a parent, do you worry that you're not enjoying or appreciating this stage of your life enough? It's a concern that weighs heavily on me, especially when I'm frustrated and irritated with my children.

I think of it often, but a couple days ago I read a few related blog posts and decided it was time to get these thoughts written down. An article called Don't Carpe Diem has been floating around the internet. I read it and in many ways I thought, "Amen, Sister! Don't expect me to bask in the glory of motherhood while I'm rinsing poop out of my 3-year-old's underwear." I feel like I'm more in a perpetual state of "just make it til bedtime" rather than enjoying this life called motherhood. I know this is normal, especially for mothers of toddlers, but I wonder, am I wasting this time being exhausted and cranky?

Sometimes I feel panicked, like when I realize that Mack is the only one left in the house that uses plastic kid plates and sippy cups. In another year or two, those things will be gone. I see my firstborn morphing into a sassy tween before my eyes and I can hardly remember what it felt like to sit at the table and make crafts with her as a creative 4-year-old. It's times like those that I feel the urgency of needing to appreciate all that is happening in my life as a mother. One day I will wake up and there won't be any little bodies around to snuggle with me or exclaim with bright eyes about the cool thing that happened at school. One day it will just be Dan and I, no discipline problems to discuss, no funny anecdotes to share. And like this post on Memories on Clover Lane, one day I'll be dead and all the tangible objects that seem so essential and significant to life will just be yard sale finds for thrifty shoppers.

The problem is that I don't seem to recognize the urgency often enough. Those moments when I feel so tender about being a mother, about each of my children, are fleeting and I so rarely take the time to record them. I take a lot of pictures, it's my way of remembering and feeling positive about the life that I have, but I usually don't record the feelings that accompany the events or images that I so painstakingly capture on my camera.

So what can I do to appreciate this life more, to live for today and cherish my family more?

What I've noticed about myself lately is that I don't really play with my kids enough. I just want to meet their basic needs, help them with homework, make sure they do their chores, then have them go play with each other or by themselves so I can work on my own projects or just have some solitude. It's like I'm solely driven by the need to feel like I'm raising capable, responsible human beings, but I've forgotten how to have fun with these little people that I love.

I think part of it is the life situation that Dan and I are in right now. I am mostly home alone with the kids and I know that there's no help or relief coming later in the day and I am solely responsible for making sure all the "stuff" gets done everyday that needs to be done. It's exhausting and I'm lacking the emotional energy to be a fun mom right now. I can sit and do puzzles with Mack and Amelia or read books to them for 20 minutes, but I'd rather poke my eye with a fork than pretend I'm a pet store owner and Amelia is an orphan kitten I found (a frequent request). And Lily, well, she's not getting much at all. I arrange for the kids to play with a friend whenever there's time, so it's not like they aren't having any fun at all, but I just can't engage my imagination or my patience enough to do anything active with the kids.

When Dan was home for a short 2 days off this week, he wrestled and rough-housed with the kids for a long time each night and they were so hungry for the attention and the interaction. It's a solid testimony to me why a child needs a mother and a father. I leave the wild tickle-monster Robo Daddy games to Dan and he's happy to delegate the puzzle building and baking to me.

I think one thing that has been to my detriment since Dan started working in the oil field is that I have become selfish with my time. When Dan is gone, I can do what I want, when I want once the kids are taken care of and I think it has gotten me in the habit of being stingy with my personal time. If I have spent a lot of time tending to the children, and decided that now it's "mommy's time", I find myself resenting the many interruptions that are so commonplace in any home with small children. It feels like an offense, like a blatant disregard for my needs, a disrespect for all the time I have already given my children that day. Everyday I wake up thinking of things I'd like to get done for myself once the house and the kids are taken care of. I'd like to write on my blog, work on my digital Project Life album, write in my journal, archive all my photos, transcribe interviews I've done on my digital voice recorder, read a book. I may grab 20 minutes here or there throughout the day, but I always tell myself, "I'll have time tonight after the kids go to bed." Problem is, by that time I no longer feel like writing or doing much of anything other than falling into bed.

The thing is, when you get to the point where parenting is just a series of completed duties, followed by guilt and disappointment about all that you no longer have the energy to do, there seems to be little joy in life. You start asking yourself, "What is there to look forward to? How can I find fulfillment? What can bring joy back into being a mother?" And the ever-present question, "Why in the world do I want a 4th child?"

These thoughts have been churning around in my mind for quite awhile and over the past couple of days I've tried to find some answers about how I can be happier, how I can feel satisfied with the way I am spending my time as a mother. I've been trying a few new things (well, not really new or novel, just making a conscious effort to do something) and my attitude has greatly improved.

First, I've tried to plan at least one activity each day to center around the kids. Something intentional, not an afterthought. On Friday the kids were off school and I made sugar cookies with them. Sounds like nothing monumental, but it's like a four hour ordeal once you make the dough, let it chill, roll it out and cut shapes, bake the cookies, make the frosting, color the frosting and put it in decorating bags, frost all the cookies while suppressing the urge to freak out about the huge mess, then clean up the mess and hand wash all those annoyingly intricate cookie cutter shapes.

I felt pretty good about my effort. And the cookies were dang good.

Today was a little different. I told the kids last night that we weren't doing anything today until their chores were done. Usually I try to work on my chores while delegating and supervising their chores, but today I really helped them and spent almost an hour with each of the girls helping them organize and declutter their rooms. Amelia likes to clean and organize, Lily not so much, but both were so pleased with their clean rooms that I could tell they appreciated the individual attention and help I gave them. We were done with most of our chores by noon so Mack & Amelia played with friends while Lily & I finished her room. Then we went to a roping (a sort of mini-rodeo with several teams doing just one event- team roping) that our friend and neighbor Brian Nate put on in his new indoor arena just outside our backyard. We got to eat burgers and watch the cowboys (and a couple cowgirls) and Mack had fun loudly commenting on the noisy calves "running and running so fast".

I've also been trying to be more cognisant of those quiet little moments that make me think, "Man, I love that kid!" Like tonight when Amelia was in the bath and she gathered a bunch of bubbles in her hands, curled her fingertips together at the top and her palms at the bottom, and said, "Look, it's a heart!" Or when Mack finishes peeing on the potty and asks, "You so poud (proud) of me?" Or when Lily says, "You know what I wish I had? A replicator. Then I could put these rainbow earrings in with a plain t-shirt and it would make me a t-shirt to match my earrings." She's been watching a lot of Star Trek Voyager and Enterprise with her Dad.

Something I started in 2010 and have been sort of sporadic with lately is keeping a book where I write down the funny things the kids say. It is so much fun to go back and read through them. A classic one from Mack last month was when he walked into the living room and I said, "There's a suspicious smell coming from your diaper," and he replied, "That's a big delivery of poop for you!" I could do, I need to do, a post with all of the kids' funny quotes. There are so many things my kids have said that I thought, "I need to go write that down" but I don't do it right away and then it is forgotten. So the key to the quote book is to have it accessible and to just do it right when they say something funny.

What I'm going to start tonight is taking a concept from the Don't Carpe Diem article and not only recognize, but make an effort to write down in my journal each night, the Kairos moments that happen to me each day. Just a brief, half a page description about what was memorable, what had meaning for me. Because those fleeting moments each day where you find joy in your life can be so quickly swallowed up in the chaos that always ensues when you are a parent. And then you get to where I have been lately, feeling like life is just one big struggle with nothing to enjoy. It's just not true. A concerted effort to just pay attention can make a huge difference in our attitude. I know it has mine.

Heaven Help Us!

2012-01-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

We're starting hard-core potty training today. I started about 3 weeks ago and didn't have much luck. The first day Mack went through 5 pairs of underwear in less than 2 hours. The next time I tried he pee'd in the potty twice in the morning and I got so excited. But that was the last time we had any success. And that was over 2 weeks ago.He gets mad every time I put him on the toilet and insists that he can't do it. He holds it, holds it, holds it, then pee's in his underwear. I have a timer set for every 20 minutes. We have tried sitting, standing, aiming at Cheerios, rewarding with treats, reading books on the toilet, running water in the sink to make him feel the urge, singing potty songs, you name it. Mack just WON'T pee on the potty.

I didn't try at all last week because we'd spent the previous weekend at Grammie's and were planning another trip to Grammie's this past weekend. I knew I wouldn't have the time to monitor him all weekend so I decided to wait until we were all done traveling to start again. Now we're home and not planning to go anywhere so I'm committing to giving it another try.

Pray for my sanity, will you?

The one thing that helps is Mack is super cute running around in his big boy undies.

Aren't his hat and boots fabulous?! Dan's a little concerned.

I keep trying to reassure him that the boy loves swords and guns just as much as he loves headbands.

Just part of the hazards of having two older sisters. And speaking of those sisters, they were SO much easier to potty train. Why is that when boys have the easy-aim equipment?

Bad Words

2012-01-20T09:02:00.001-07:00

A week or so before Christmas the kids were watching A Charlie Brown Christmas.

Didn't you just love that movie as a kid? I remember anticipating every year when it would come on TV. Not like those other creepy Christmas specials, like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with the snow beast.

Anyway, the kids were watching and I took a moment to sit down on the couch. Amelia came over and in a loud whisper said, "There's a lot of bad words in this movie." I thought, "Hmmm, I sure don't remember that from when I was a kid."

I asked, "What kind of bad words?" Amelia replied, "I don't want to say them. But they start with (whisper) D and S."

Dude, I've been known to occasionally spout off a "dammit" in moments of frustration. But I sure don't make a habit of saying the "S" word. How did my kids even know those words? Besides, since when did Charlie Brown have a potty mouth?

Lily piped up and said, "Mack says it all the time. S-T-U-P-I-D." Oh, and DUMB.

Phew. My kids aren't as corrupted as I thought.

Our Thanksgiving & some family history

2012-01-16T13:34:00.002-07:00

I started this blog post over 5 weeks ago and have been working on it a little at a time. It just kept getting bigger and bigger! So feel free to read it in stages or at the very least, grab a snack before you dive in!

Glory hallelujah, I'm home alone! Amelia is playing with a friend and Dan took Lily and Mack with him to Montpelier to get the wood splitter repaired. As much as I want to curl up on the couch in front of the fire, I decided I better seize this opportunity to do a little blogging. My computer time the last couple of weeks has been taken up with online shopping and working on the annual photo album for the grandparents. Just as I was getting in the zone with my blogging, I fell off the wagon!

The kids and I had a quiet Thanksgiving with my Mom down in Utah while Dan was working. For reference, here are my siblings:

David, Becky, Sue, Don, September 2011

I love this picture for so many reasons, despite the fact that I wasn't wearing any makeup, I was having a chubby summer, and I didn't bother to retouch our eye bags or my zits in Photoshop. I love this picture because it was the first time we'd all been able to hang out together in 5 years. We ate and talked and played board games late into the night. I love this picture because although we're starting to age, we all look healthy and happy. And I love my Mom's apple tree in the background. It adds just the right touch.

My brother David's family lives in Virginia and since they had just been out for a visit over Labor Day weekend, they stayed home for Thanksgiving. My sister Becky and her kids stayed home in Rock Springs, WY so they could be home in case their oil field husband/daddy made it home. Becky and I, we share a lot of similar life challenges. My brother Don and his family live close to my Mom so we were able to spend time together. They had plans to spend Thanksgiving Day with Lora's family, so the whole crew came to my Mom's on Wednesday night and we had a sleepover. It was a blast!

We sat around and surfed the internet for Black Friday sales and looked at photography blogs and such.

My sis-in-law Lora, my niece Rachel, me, and Amelia

Can you believe Rachel?! She's 18 and going to BYU Idaho.

Rachey and Me, 1993

I have always had a special place in my heart for Rachel because she was the one who made me an aunt. We were lucky enough to get some alone time on Thanksgiving morning and it was so great to talk, so great to recognize and appreciate how wide open and full of possibilities her young life is.

Amelia and her cousin Faith, who is a year and a half older, had a great time in Grammie's craft room making ornaments for the mini Christmas tree.

Isn't Amelia's jacket cute? It's a hand-me-down from Faith. All of her cutest clothes come from Faith. Score!

Mack went off the binky in October after the appearance of the Binky Fairy (she brought him guns, the only toy enticing enough to make him willing to trade in his binkies.)

He was pretty pleased.

Mack has been binky free ever since and only mentioned wanting his binky a couple times. But on Thanksgiving Eve, he found a spare binky at Grammie's house and you should have seen the joy in his face! I was mildly panicked, thinking that he would want it back for good, but fortunately he just nibbled on it a bit, then gave it back when we mentioned ice cream.

Mack & Luke watching Cars 2.

Farr's Peppermint Stick ice cream is one of my favorite things about the holidays. It comes in a green box, is only available in November and December, and I've only been able to find it in Utah. I had a hard time even finding a picture of it on the internet:

Oh, baby! It is Deee-vine! My Mom bought 2 boxes and it did not disappoint.

Rachel hadn't seen her brother Nicholas in awhile since she's been away at school. When he arrived she was blown away by how grown up he looked with his new glasses. Nicholas hates pictures, but I snuck this one before he could shy away from my camera.

We intended to play board games, but we never got around to it. You know you're getting old when you'd rather go to bed than play Settlers of Catan!

On Thanksgiving morning Don and Nicholas treated us all to buttermilk pancakes and homemade syrup.

It was truly luscious! My Mom kept commenting about how nice it was to have some men in the kitchen.

And then, our breakfast was interrupted by this:

You thought the nap-inducing haircut was short? Wait till later in this post when you see what we had to do to fix this mess!

We were all sitting around the breakfast table when in walks Mack with a reverse mohawk. It was so short I immediately thought, "Oh my gosh, he's gotten ahold of some clippers or someone's left their razor out!" I took him upstairs and said, "Show Mama how you cut your hair." Proud as can be he went straight to the craft room where he had a stash of scissors and demonstrated:

I totally rained on his parade when I told him that was very dangerous, he could have cut his scalp, and that cutting his hair was a no-no. He got downright pissed when I took the three pairs of scissors away.

The whole thing was very reminiscent of when Lily snuck into the toy closet under the stairs and cut her hair when she was 3 years old.

Don, Lora, and all the kids except Rachel headed out about 10am to go to Salt Lake. Rachel had plans to spend the day with her mom's side of the family, so we enjoyed the morning together before I dropped her off in Provo.

One of Rachel's finest qualities is that she is very gracious, always has a hug and an "I love you" for everyone.

Doesn't Mack's hair just totally "make" this picture?

One of the best parts of Thanksgiving weekend for the kids was that Grammie let us bring our kittens. (Big Pumpkin stayed home.) Dan was like, "Your Mom is really OK with letting 3 cats stay at her house? She's crazy!" When I told Mom what Dan said her response was, "Well, it's a lot like the grandkids. I know that in a few days they'll go home." I assured Dan that Mom was a seasoned cat owner and that the kitties would mostly stay outside during the day and sleep in the garage during the night. But it turned out that they spent a lot of time inside and provided hours of entertainment for all the kids.

Here they are having their Thanksgiving breakfast:

Don't worry, we scored them some turkey scraps later.

The kitties spent a lot of time sleeping under Grammie's couch, out of reach of Mack's grubby little hands.

Oh man, is there anything cuter than little kitten paws?

Mom did all of the cooking and the only useful thing I did was take pictures and wash dishes afterwards. Oh, I guess I cut and boiled the potatoes.

Lily was less than impressed with the raw turkey. My Mom was like, "Just wait till we start shoving stuffing in its bum!"

Mack was excited to help with the mashed potatoes.

He loves to help in the kitchen and is always eager to help me make a meal or some cookies at home.

And he always watches to make sure that the oven is doing its job properly.

Since it was just us, Mom decided it was safe enough to break out the real china.

Mom has had this china since 1969-1970 when my Dad was in Vietnam. He sent her the catalog and told her to pick out the design she liked the best. Then he had it shipped straight to her door in Sheridan, WY. She said that when she opened the box she just sat there and cried because she had never owned anything so beautiful.

Instead of the crystal goblets, the girls wanted to use Gram's antique teacups. Before Gram passed away in 2008 we had started a little tradition of going to Gram's for tea. Oh, how Lily loved it! Gram would bake shortbread cookies and break out her grandmother's tea cart and tell stories about the olden days. She taught Lily what a tea cozy was and explained how having daily visitors over for tea was as much a part of life as afternoon naps for toddlers.

Tea Party at Gram's, January 24, 2007. Amelia was too little to sit at the table for tea:

Halloween Tea Party at Gram's, October 31, 2007:

When Gram died, Lily asked if she could inherit this teacup and saucer with the little purple flowers. For now it is stored safely in Grammie's china cabinet.

As we sat down to eat, Mack went straight for the drumstick.

He was super PO'd that he had to wait until after the prayer to demolish the turkey.

Our Thanksgiving meal was a bit of a family history lesson. Grammie used the carving set that belonged to Grandfather Sneath. He won the set in a curling match. Those crazy Canadians!

Charles Alexander Sneath, my mom's maternal grandfather (1880-1941). Perhaps he wore a fur coat like that when he was curling.

Mom made three dishes that were special family recipes and told us about each one.

My Mom's paternal grandmother's (Anna Allen Cox) sister, Aunt Top, always made this salad for family gatherings. It's made with lime jello, cheese, and nuts. It sounds totally gross, but is actually quite tasty!

My Mom has been searching all over her archives for a picture of Aunt Top (Addie Allen Teeter Dudley, 1881-1976, she and all of her siblings had fun nicknames, although we don't know the story of how Aunt Top got her nickname) but only found one. You can't see Aunt Top very well, but it's fun to see Gram and Grandad's living room in Sheridan, WY.

Christmas 1971. Aunt Top is on the left with the white scarf. Sitting next to her is her nephew, my grandfather Don Cox (1907-1990) and in the foreground is Don's sister Helen Cox Shields (1903-1996).

Listen to this story: Aunt Top got married in January 1910, got pregnant right away, then her husband Lawrence Teeter contracted some kind of massive infection and died in April. Aunt Top gave birth as a young widow to her daughter Lorene who had cerebral palsy. Aunt Top married a second time, to a widower named Irvin Dudley, and had two more sons, but she devoted her life to taking care of her daughter Lorene who lived to be 40 years old. Mom said that Aunt Top was never in any of the family pictures because she was always taking care of Lorene.

This is Gram's 24 Hour Salad, which was her mother's recipe, Lois Rebecca McGregor Sneath. You have to make it 24 hours in advance so that the marshmallows have time to melt with the whipped cream.

Lois Rebecca McGregor Sneath (1884-1971) and Charlie Sneath's wedding portrait.

My Mom made this frame with Mod Podge at some Relief Society activity in the 1970's. She also made one of her paternal grandparents, Anna Allen & Samuel Cox, and I remember those green great-grandparent portraits always being displayed in our home when I was growing up.

I found this pic when I was going through old photos to find the tea party pics. This is from a collection of photos I took of Gram's treasures at her house a couple days after she died. Apparently my Mom made her some cool Mod Podge frames, too. Gram's were oval and ours were rectangle.

Standing: Lois Rebecca McGregor Sneath. her mother Mary Lois Bridges McGregor (1850-1950), and her two daughters Jeanette Sneath Cox (1914-2008) and baby Isobel Sneath Phillips (1923-2002). If you're interested you can read more about my Gram, Jeanette, here.

This is Cranberry Jello Salad from Grandmother Mary (my Dad's mom).

Mary Merritt Garlitz (later Kinzler), born in 1925 and still with us. Wasn't she such a beauty? The picture on the right is how I remember my Grandmother growing up, wearing bright colors and reading her bible.

The kids and I got to visit Grandmother Mary in Midland, TX this summer.

Sadly, Grandmother has Alzheimer's and did not really understand who we were. But she was so sweet to the kids, commenting on Mack's cute curly hair and so happy to have young visitors. Although she doesn't really recognize anyone except my Uncle Kenny, we had an amazing day together looking through old photos. She was able to recall many details and I had my digital voice recorder going while we looked at pictures for over 2 hours. Her bright personality shined through as she told of her high school days and how handsome my Grandad was when he hit on her at church, wearing his army uniform.

Me, Grandmother Mary, and Uncle Kenny Garlitz, July 31, 2011

An interesting side note about both of my grandmothers. They both have/had their own original teeth! You don't see that too often these days!

The whole time Grammie was telling us these stories Mack kept asking, "NOW can I have the turkey leg?" After offering the blessing we let Mack go for it. He was awfully disappointed when it came apart, leaving most of the meat on the turkey.

But that didn't stop him from enjoying the other intact turkey leg. Nothin' like meat on a stick. :)

He kept saying that he had a dinosaur bone.

Our afternoon was pretty quiet, we had naps and watched movies. Then, undecided about whether I wanted to participate in the midnight Black Friday madness at Walmart, Lily and I went over to scope it out around 10:00pm.

In a word, INSANE!

I decided there wasn't anything I wanted bad enough to subject myself to hours of the scene I was witnessing. I'd much rather spend a little extra on the internet and be able to shop right from the peace and quiet of my own home. (And you know I mean peace and quiet in the relative sense, right?)

We went home and went to bed before midnight and about 10am on Friday morning I set out for a day of shopping. Lora and I met up at the movies to see Breaking Dawn. It did not disappoint. (I was disappointed, however, that I didn't take a picture of us together.)

After the movie I headed to the mall. I haven't been in a mall in several years. They intimidate me. Too many choices, too much cute stuff, too much money to lose! But I was in desperate need of a new bra so I hit Victoria's Secret, only to discover that they were having a buy one bra, get one half off sale. That never happens. I texted Dan to ask how much money I could spend and he said, "Unlimited". Sweet.

I gotta tell you, whoever designed the dressing rooms in VS are geniuses. I'm not sure if it's the lighting or all the pink femininity, but you go in there and think, "Oh my gosh, I look cute!"

I may have taken pictures of me in a couple outfits to text to Dan to get his opinion. With the threat that he better immediately erase them. Or not.

Let's just say that Dan got an early Christmas.

When I got home from my marathon shopping trip I found the kids all cuddled up on Grammie's sleeper sofa with Lily's BFF Liesel Wynn, watching a movie, I think it was Megamind. Good times.

On Saturday we hung around Grammie's house and I spent the majority of the day working on tying the reunion quilt while Mom finished the binding on a quilt for my niece Rachel.

In the evening I took the kids and Liesel to Jump On It, an indoor trampoline park. I took pictures, but they're all on Lily's camera, which we haven't been able to find since Thanksgiving weekend. Ug. After jumping I made the kids go to Burlington Coat Factory so I could try to find a dress coat for Lily to wear for the kids' Christmas picture. Mack kept sneaking off and by far, his favorite place was the shoe aisle.

Super.

On Sunday morning, after Dan asking, "Are you really going to take Mack to church looking like that?" we busted out the clippers and gave him a real buzz cut.

He looks like a completely different kid without his hair. A big boy, for sure.

After church Amelia decorated Grammie's Christmas tree.

Aren't those pink boots to die for? They used to be Lily's and Amelia loves them, I dare say, even more than Lily did.

I worked on finishing the quilt while Mom sewed a new woobie for Lily from fabric she chose out herself. She's in love!

It was after dark when I finally finished tying the quilt. That thing took forever!

We had planned to go home on Sunday afternoon so the girls could be back for school on Monday morning. But driving at night in the winter with all the deer in Wyoming is a bad idea. So we stayed one more night and watched 17 Miracles and left Monday morning.

Our Thanksgiving weekend was fabulous, dampened only by Daddy's absence.

And now I must stop, as I'm sure this is the longest blog post I've ever done. I have a serious problem with being succinct.

Richardson Family 2011

2011-12-24T08:54:00.002-07:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

Here is the annual year-in-review photo book I made for all the grandparents for Christmas.

Need a little holiday cheering up?

2011-12-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

Do the holidays have you stressed out? Shopping to do, projects to finish, quality time and memories to create for your children?

Here's a fond memory from my Christmas past that I thought might bring a smile to your stressed out face.

Click HERE.

Amusing Text Exchanges

2011-11-22T23:57:00.000-07:00

Dan and I communicate via text messaging a lot because the nature of his job often requires him to leave our conversations for several minutes at a time. With texting we can "talk" in a time frame that allows him to get his work done. Plus with him working nights and sleeping days we often initiate conversations with a text because we're not sure if the other person is awake.

Tonight Dan was asking when the kids and I were leaving for my Mom's for Thanksgiving and what our plans were. He'll be working.

Me: I'm going to shop on Friday and go see Breaking Dawn with the womenfolk.
Dan: You're crazy!
Me: Don't worry, I'm not going early. Just going to see what I can find during the reasonable hours of the day!
Dan: Not much better.
Me: Maybe not, but I think you're just jealous. Especially about missing Breaking Dawn.
Dan: Exactly.

After installing the chimney liner there was some discussion with Keith, our landlord, about taking some of the cost off the rent. I was out of the loop so I wanted to make sure before I made out the rent check.

Me: Should I pay Keith full rent or did he want us to take some off for the liner?
Dan: No
Me: No don't pay full or no don't take any off?
Dan: Yes
Me: You think that's funny, don't you?
Dan: Yes

I never could get a straight answer out of him so I figured that was his way of telling me he would take care of it. We're real good at communicating like that.

Dan was running out to the Flying J with the kids to get a snack.

Me: Will you get me a sunkist?
Dan: No
Me: You're a very bad man.

Several minutes later he showed up with Sunkist in hand.

About a month ago I had an emotional breakdown on the phone while Dan was at work. I started crying and telling him about some concerns I had and he goes, "OK, now I'm uncomfortable...Bye" and hung up. I know this about him and knew he just needed some time to deal with my outburst. Later in the day I texted him.

Me: How's your discomfort level?
Dan: Unacceptably high
Me: Are you uncomfortable because of the crying or because of what I said?
Dan: Yes
Me: Glad we could have this little chat.
Dan: Anytime, but now I'm going to bed.
Me: Sweet dreams. Hopefully there are no crying women in them.
Dan: One can hope
Me: Thank goodness we have our senses of humor to survive this oil field life.

A sense of humor. It's what keeps us sane and it's something I dearly love about my husband.

A new nap strategy

2011-11-22T23:31:00.001-07:00

The only way I can get Mack to take a nap these days is to take him for a drive, usually between 12:00 and 1:30pm.

It's not the most convenient way to get him to sleep, but it's way better than no nap followed by a 4:00-5:00pm meltdown.

Well, now I have a new strategy for getting him to fall asleep.

Just take him for a haircut like I did today.

Trying to get my groove back...

2011-11-21T22:34:00.002-07:00

This post will be my 7th in November. That's as many posts as I've done the rest of 2011 combined. I really fell out of the blogging world and I have missed it.

It was a deliberate shift. I think it boils down to the fact that life has been pretty challenging over the last year and a half and every time I sat down to write on my blog I just felt like a whiner. I'd write a few sentences and think, "nobody wants to listen to me bitch and moan." Or more often, I'd want to talk about personal struggles but because so much of our personal problems stem from relationships, I didn't feel it was appropriate to talk about publicly. After all these years I've finally developed a filter for my mouth. Imagine that.

Let me tell you the truth about the oil field. The only good thing about it is the money. Everything else completely sucks. It takes a toll on us as a family to be apart and we're constantly trying to readjust when Daddy is home, only to have him leave again. Dan dreads every time he leaves for a hitch, his job is very stressful and in my opinion it's affecting his health. He's been sick more in the last year than he has been any other time. He works long hours and doesn't get good sleep so his body is not prepared to fight off infection.

In May Dan changed positions and companies and is now a directional driller instead of a mud engineer. The change has the advantages of higher pay and more potential for upward mobility, but Dan has forfeited a regular 2 week on, 2 week off schedule (which honestly he only took a full 2 weeks off once or twice as a mud engineer) to basically being on call 24/7. One nice thing about the new job is that instead of going to different rigs all over Wyoming and western Colorado, Dan is working exclusively in Pinedale, WY which is only 2 1/2 hours away. So even if he's only going to be off for a day he can come home. He typically works about 5-7 days and is home for 2-3 days, but we never know what the schedule is going to be. When he first took the job we were thinking that since Pinedale is so close the kids and I could go up and see him regularly, maybe spend the weekend, but he is working nights and sleeping days so it doesn't really work out.

View of two the many natural gas rigs in Pinedale, July 2010.

Typical scenes on an oil rig

Inside Dan's trailer as a mud engineer, December 2010. He is in similar accommodations now, but he does his work up on the rig floor instead of in his trailer.

Every few months Dan and I talk about other job possibilities, but we just keep coming back to the fact that nothing else he could do would pay as much, and more importantly, we really don't want to raise our kids anywhere else so Dan is very limited in the work that's available. In Cokeville you can either work at the schools, ranch (which is really just an expensive hobby) or work in the oil field. There are a few city or county jobs but they are few and far between. I like the idea of Dan getting his teaching certificate online and teaching at the high school, but it would be a 50% reduction in salary and currently the science teacher position is filled anyway. I've talked to Dan about it at length but the bottom line is that it is his responsibility to provide for our family and I have to respect what he feels is the best way to do that. We are still working to get out of debt, should be done, student loans and all, in about a year. That weighs heavily on Dan's mind as well as getting money saved to buy a house and some land for our horses.

I'd be lying if I said I don't care about the money. It has been such a relief to be able to buy what we need without stressing about it. I can buy nice boots and coats for the kids. We can fix the things we need to fix with the house and the car. I don't have to spend hours clipping coupons and researching sales to meet the grocery budget. We can afford to take a little trip now and then. It is vastly different than where we were the first half of 2010 when Dan had very little patent work and we finally had to stop paying some bills because we simply didn't have the money. But we've traded one kind of stress for another. We don't worry about making it every month, but we worry about how much longer we can tolerate this lifestyle. Dan is frustrated about the direction his career has taken, especially after all the hard work he put into his PhD, but he doesn't see any viable alternative. It's hard seeing him so dissatisfied. We all miss him and long for the time when we can be a "normal" family again. But the reality is that we'll likely be doing this oil field thing for at least 5-10 years.

Adjusting to the oil field life has been a process and the challenges have changed over the last 17 months. At first it was just hard to be alone, to be the only parent present to handle all the stuff with the kids. Then it was hard adjusting when Dan started being home more. I felt self-conscious, like someone was looking over my shoulder and judging the way I handled the kids and the house. Then I started to resent Dan's dissatisfaction with his job and life in general and it was just easier when he was gone. I felt a lot of guilt for having gotten to that point and was depressed about how our relationship was languishing. I complained to Dan a lot about his attitude and was overly sensitive when he pointed out things I needed to adjust in my own attitude or my parenting. Because I was frustrated with the constant cloud he carried around his head, I made it nearly impossible for him to speak freely. I was nit-picking him and making him feel unwelcome in his own home. We had a big blow-up and it was a huge wake-up call for me that I needed to show Dan a much greater measure of love.

In terms of my personal psyche over the last year, I have struggled a lot. My big mouth has gotten me in trouble a few times and that has been a contributing factor to why I've largely withdrawn into myself. I just didn't want to piss anybody off. I've learned to keep my opinions to myself, but more importantly, I've learned not to judge as harshly as I have in the past. You just never know what struggles people are facing or the unique circumstances that contribute to their decision making process.

In some ways I'm proud of the growth I've experienced this year. I like this quote by Elder Orson F. Whitney:

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God." (quoted in Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle [1972], 98).

I am learning more patience, learning to rely a lot on the Spirit in my personal relationships. But in a lot of ways I'm not real happy with the person I am right now. Despite my depression I have always felt fairly confident and seen myself as a well-adjusted, well-grounded person. I am usually the kind of person who offers encouragement and tries to uplift people. But in the last year I have been the person that has needed encouragement and uplifting and I just feel so needy. I don't like that. I prefer being on the giving side of service rather than the receiving side.

With the challenges of the last year, the Lord has blessed me with a wonderful friend in Cokeville, the kind of friend that I can just show up on her doorstep unshowered with my snotty kids in tow and just say, "We needed a change of scenery. Can we hang out?" Or if Dan's home for a limited time and he needs some personal attention, I can send the kids over to my friend's house so we can...y'know. Or if my kid needs stitches for the second time in 3 months, she can come watch the other kids while I go to the ER at 10:00 at night.

Mack in the Montpelier ER after busting his eyebrow on my bed frame, November 2010

Karla Toomer was a direct answer to prayers after my friend Zoe died and there was a change in the dynamics of some of my other friendships in Cokeville. I was lonely and mourning and I prayed to find a friend that could fill the void. One night the kids were driving me bonkers, Dan was gone, and I thought, "I need a girls night out." I thought of different people I could invite and Karla's name kept coming to mind. It was somewhat of a surprise because I didn't know her well. She worked with Dan on the Volunteer Fire Department and I'd done a family picture for her the previous year, but that was about all the contact we'd had other than occasionally passing each other around town. I called her up, we went to Blondie's Diner, and we have been great friends ever since.

Karla and I at The Power of Moms retreat in Park City, UT, April 2011

Karla and my long-time best friend Lori, who lives in Minnesota, counseled me through many hard days this past year. I am so thankful for good friends. And I am working to rebuild some friendships that suffered this past year because of my selfish desire to retreat.

Lori and her girls Gracie and Audrey came to visit this summer and it was the highlight of my year. So, yes, despite all my whining there have been good times too.

I'm feeling better now that I'm blogging again. Because I've struggled with how to articulate my thoughts, I've avoided blogging and just written in my journal when hard things were going on. But if one of my descendants reads my journal in the future they will think I lived a miserable, frustrated life. Do you have that tendency also? To only write in your journal when things are difficult? I need to have a record of the happiness in my life and the blog is a wonderful place to do that. Looking at pictures and telling stories helps me remember my blessings and reminds me of the love I have for my family. And it's important for Dan to see all that's going on when he's at work. I appreciate all the sweet comments from my online friends who have wondered about my absence. I hope to get back to the woman I'm supposed to be.

P.S. Lily says, "i love cats."

The Reunion Quilt

2011-11-19T11:24:00.003-07:00

I finally finished piecing a lap quilt that I started last July (as in 2010). I registered for a quilting class through Western Wyoming Community College's adult education program. A gal from Cokeville taught the class in her basement and it was the perfect opportunity for me to finish the quilt that was originally intended to give away at our Cox family reunion.

Every year for about the last 10 years or so, we have been doing a quilt drawing at our Cox family reunion (my Mom's side). The idea was that whoever won the quilt had to make a quilt the next year to give away in a drawing. Sounds cool, right? Well, it was definitely cool to win the quilt but not so cool if you had to make one, especially if you're not a quilter. So about 4 years into the quilt exchange, people started giving store bought quilts. When it was finally my turn to make a quilt, I decided that I was going to try to make one even though I'd never quilted anything. I had tied a few quilts with my mom's help (and her doing all the sewing) in the past, but that was it.

So when I was visiting Dan on the oil rig in June 2010, I went to this great quilt shop in Pinedale, WY. Oh, before that I checked out a bunch of quilting books from the library, like Quilting for Dummies. Dan thought it was titled Quilting is for Dummies. It wasn't long before I was thinking that was true!

Our 2010 reunion was at Bear Lake on the Utah/Idaho border (and only 45 minutes from Cokeville, how awesome is that?) so I picked out a bunch of fabrics that reminded me of Bear Lake- the aqua blue water, the brown and green mountains. I borrowed quilting supplies from my sweet neighbors and set to work.

"Oh my gosh! Mama's sewing! Quick, get the camera."

I used the strip quilting method where you sew strips together then cut and piece them rather than cutting all the little squares and then sewing them. I was somewhat surprised to realize how much work it was to piece a quilt. So much measuring, so much ironing, so much keeping track.

But I found that I really enjoyed the process. I liked the symmetry, the way things lined up. That's the anal part of me. I really liked the fabrics, the colors I started with. I liked watching it all come together as something beautiful.

I did the majority of the quilting at my Mom's house where I could spread out. My sister Becky was there too and she and Mom helped me sew blocks and figure out how to lay out them all out.

I stayed up late and woke up early trying to finish it in time for the reunion. I rudely worked on it while friends came to visit me from as far as Virginia.

Samantha of the fabulous Compound Eye of a Dragonfly on the left, her mother the Queen Vee on the top right (who we've known since I was 13), and Jenny who I graduated the BYU photography program with (although you'd never know she's a former Zoobie with those dreadlocks!)

But I grossly underestimated how long it takes to make a quilt. I began to realize there was no way I was going to finish it in time. And along the way, something happened.

I fell in love with the quilt.

The selfish part of me came out and I decided, "There's no way I'm giving this thing away." I had spent well over $100 on the materials and I'd poured my heart and soul and a few drops of blood into this quilt. So I decided to keep it for myself and just give a store bought quilt at the reunion. Not one of my finer moments, but if I'm being honest, I don't regret it.

I put the quilt down the day before the reunion and I didn't pick it up again until 3 weeks ago when I started the quilt class.

Did you notice the title of the book I got the quilt pattern from? Nice.

I finally got the front of the quilt finished and I drove up to Afton to choose a nice fuzzy fabric for the back, since we live in cold Wyoming and all. Check out this lusciousness:

Oh baby, it's gonna be perfect for snuggling up in front of the fire!

Here's how the quilt looks right now:

I had originally planned to pay someone to quilt it (fancy stitching that joins the front, batting, and backing fabric) in a fun swirly pattern, but once I found this fluffy fabric with the paisley design, I decided not to do that. I'm going to tie it with a universal stitch which is like tying a quilt but without the little yarn tails sticking out. My quilt teacher said that would be ideal because not only would it eliminate the problem of having two clashing patterns on the back, it will allow the integrity of the design and the fabrics on the front to remain crisp and clean.

My Mom is going to help me tie the quilt next week when we go to her house for Thanksgiving. I'm super excited! I'll be sure to show you the final result when it's done.

Random Thoughts & Pictures

2011-11-18T22:54:00.007-07:00

Have I ever mentioned that Cokeville only has a 4 day school week? They started that schedule a few years ago due to the large number of absences on Fridays. See, when you live in a place like Wyoming, Friday athletic events are often several hours away, sometimes requiring an overnight stay. A large percentage of the student body participates in sports, so the junior high/high school was looking like a ghost town on Fridays. The school district decided to eliminate Friday school and just go longer on the other 4 days of the week. Occasionally there is Friday school to make up for holidays, but for the most part the kids only go 4 days.

In many ways this schedule is awesome. We get a 3 day weekend nearly every week. It makes it easier to go places for the weekend when we get cabin fever. We get to sleep in twice a week (we have 9:30 church so no sleeping in on Sunday, at least for the mom.) But I'll tell you what. I am so ready for school come Sunday night! Having 3 kids home at the same time in an 800 sq foot house when it's freezing cold outside sometimes just about drives me to drink. (Winter starts in October around here.)

first snow of the season, October 6, 2011

and the next morning...

In fact, it's snowing right now.

Mack was in the ER last Thursday night with croup. He started on Wednesday with a pretty bad cough and by Thursday night he was struggling to breathe and was looking a little blue around the lips. Fortunately Dan was home so I didn't have to make the 30 minute drive over to Montpelier by myself. My friend Karla came and stayed with the girls. They gave Mack an albuterol breathing treatment in the ER and gave him dexamethasone, a steroid, that he took for 5 days. Oh, and he had an ear infection so there's 10 days of antibiotics as well. Mack was not impressed with the breathing treatment and we basically had to hog tie him so he would take the full dosage. When the nurse tried to give him his meds he hid under his woobie. I tried to get Dan to take some pictures but he thought it was totally undignified to take a picture of Mack in his moment of desperation. We were being discharged and Dan gave me the look like, "What are you waiting for? Let's blow this joint" and I just said, "I'm not leaving until you take a picture." That earned me a major eye roll. But I got the picture.

Aren't Macky's pj's cute? Grammie got them at Costco.

Speaking of Grammie, she came to visit us for 2 days last week. The kids had been missing her but I just had too much to do at home to make the trip down to Utah. So Grammie came and gave me some relief for a couple days.

I got to finish painting the living room,

a project I started at the end of June.

The kids got to play games with Grammie

and bake pressed cookies.

Mack dipped his hand in the vinegar/baking soda mixture and was totally unimpressed!

And with Mom's help we finally got the kitchen cleaned, including the mopping. I love Swiffers. Well, I love the idea of Swiffers. In theory I should mop the floor all the time because it's just so darn convenient. But I don't. I still let the kitchen floor digress to the point of nastiness before I clean it. But the Swiffer takes a lot less energy than filling a bucket of mop water, wringing the mop out constantly, and trying to keep Mack out of the dirty water.

Anyway, back to sick kids. Lily and I both got Mack's sickies over the weekend and Lily missed 3 days of school this week. After a long weekend with whiny sick kids and feeling lousy myself, I really needed some quiet time, but no luck. Lily was pretty miserable with a bad cough and fever. She and Mack basically brain rotted for three days straight. Luckily we have the portable DVD player we bought this summer so I didn't have to forfeit the computer to the kids. I really would have lost my mind then!

By the third day home Lily was feeling a little more spunky and she made her brother wear this sequined dress up shirt. He was not amused. After about 3 minutes he came crying to me, "I want this off!" Erin, I smiled and thought of Kole/Ariel. Big sisters are so mean sometimes!

One good thing that did come out of last weekend is we finally got the wood stove put in. And by we I mean Dan.

We always take the stove and hearth out in the summer to make more room and usually bring it back in at the beginning of October. But this year we were delayed for a couple of reasons. Our chimney cracked in March so we had to use propane for the rest of the season while we waited to have the money to buy a liner to put inside the chimney. It's made of steel (I think) and looks like a dryer hose.

It was quite tricky to install because the chimney is old and the hole that comes out of the wall in the living room is not perfectly round, so Dan had to really fight to get it in. The other problem we had is that the top fire bricks in our wood stove broke last season so we couldn't burn a fire until we had those replaced. Our wood stove is discontinued so it took awhile to find the bricks online. And let me tell you, you need a PhD to figure out how to install those fire bricks. It took Dan and I together nearly an hour to figure out the right configuration.

Mack was helpful as always.

He is totally fascinated with the ash shovel. He thinks it makes a good sword. Much to my great pleasure.

Next, look for a post about another project that I've almost finished after a year and a half.

A Tail (pun intended) of 4 Kitties, Part 1

2011-11-16T08:58:00.002-07:00

We haven't had pets in several years. We had a dog when Lily was born, good ol' Jake.

Easter 2002

To be accurate, he was our first baby. We adored him, spent plenty of money on him (hello, $2900 hip replacement surgery), even let him sleep in our bed.

Lily's first Christmas, 2002

Jake was so great with Lily. He let her climb all over him. In fact, I'm pretty sure she thought he was a horse.

October 2003

Sadly, we lost Jake, literally, in December 2003. I let him out to go to the bathroom and forgot about him for 30 minutes or so. I'd done that before, but he was always just down the street snooping around the neighborhood. Not this time. We searched all over, posted flyers, and called the animal shelters every couple of days for about two months.

But Jake was gone. We were all pretty heart broken. About two months went by and I found myself with entirely too much time on my hands since I wasn't vacuuming dog hair all day long, so we started looking for another dog through a Labrador rescue program. We found Hank, only six months old but HUGE, and brought him home.

February 2004

Lily and Hank were great pals but it was such a pain to have a puppy again! Hank loved to chew and we still have several toddler toys that have Hank's teeth marks in them.

Hank's 1st Birthday, September 2004

Hank got his fair share of spoiling (what dog doesn't love wearing a birthday hat?) but when we discovered that he had not one, but three bad hips, we had to make a difficult decision. We were no longer in a financial position to pay for hip replacement surgeries. We knew that Hank could probably have a couple of decent years, but then he would be in so much pain that he wouldn't have a very good quality of life. But by then Lily would be so attached to him that it would break her heart to have to put Hank down. So we made the very hard decision to go ahead and send Hank to Heaven. He was only 15 months old. Lily still talks about the reunion in Heaven when she'll get to see all her dogs.

Now, a very strange thing happened after Hank was gone. Our house had been dog free for about six months and my friend Cami brought her dog Roxi over. After wrestling with Roxi for awhile, Lily started to sneeze. Shortly after that her eyes got red and itchy. What the...? This pattern repeated itself on a few different occasions until it dawned on us, Lily had developed pet allergies! It was confirmed when we had her allergy tested at age 4 that she is indeed allergic to dogs, cats, horses, hay, cashews and pistachios. What a rip-off!

So for several years we have been a petless family. We looked into dog breeds that shed very little and are ideal for people with allergies (our favorite was a Labradoodle) but our housing situation over the next few years did not allow for a big dog. We considered a couple different things, a sugar glider, a rabbit, but it just never seemed right. Lily has missed having a pet so much. She and Amelia have asked for a pet with increasing longing over the last few years.

Now, let me rewind a little. Or a lot. I grew up with cats.

Becky and Girl Kitty, Me and Boy Kitty, Germany 1986

We always had at least one kitty as long as I can remember.

napping with Girl Kitty, Monterey, CA 1990

We never had dogs and I thought they were big and slobbery and annoying. It was a big switch for me when we got Jake. But I fell in love with him. And eventually I decided that cats were annoying. They pee'd and pooped in your house. They were kind of snobby and only came when they felt like it. They made all the furniture hairy (TOTALLY unlike a dog) and it was irritating the way they always rubbed on your leg, leaving a trail of hair behind.

Dan doesn't care for cats either (did you see how much fun he had trying to shove them in a pumpkin?). Getting a cat was never on our list of pet possibilities. Lily's only interaction with cats was with old decrepit Girl Kitty at Grammie's house, and she mostly hid from little kids unless there was fresh food out.

2003, Lily and Girl Kitty 18 years old

So one evening in early October a stray kitty started hanging around our house. Lily had been having a hard time, feeling lonely because she doesn't feel like she has a best friend here in Cokeville. She was so excited about the cat, it perked her little spirit up so much that I told her she could feed him.

The next morning the kitty was back and all the kids came out to pet him.

He was such a good natured kitty and I'm such a sucker, so I told the kids that if he kept hanging around they could call him their outdoor cat. I mean, no big deal, right? We can feed him and the kids can play with him outside and he can fend for himself otherwise.

Later that afternoon Lily and Amelia came in and declared that if he stayed, they would call him Pumpkin.

Lily made a little bed for him on the porch. A couple days later it was raining, so she put her umbrella out so Pumpkin would have a dry place to eat. By this point we'd bought real kitty food instead of just feeding him hot dogs (I'm sure he was a little disappointed in the change.)

Next we made Pumpkin a place inside the kids' play house. A bed and a place to keep the food dry.

Then we did the responsible thing and posted a flyer around town to make sure Pumpkin didn't belong to someone else.

We left it up for a couple weeks and thankfully no one called because Pumpkin seemed happy with us and the kids were delighted to finally have a pet.

You know how if you feed one stray, the whole neighborhood shows up looking for a handout? Sure enough, we had a kitten show up just a few days after Pumpkin. I figured one more, no big deal. They can keep each other warm in the winter.

This kitty, who we called Jackie, for Jack-o-lantern to go with Pumpkin, would sit still on Amelia's lap

and let the kids cradle her like a baby, so they were in love.

Pumpkin, not so much. He didn't appreciate the competition and retreated to a sunny spot under the lilac tree.

And that's only half the story...

The Halloween Report 2011

2011-11-13T10:23:00.003-07:00

I'll let the girls tell you about their Halloween:

We carved pumpkins on Sunday afternoon before Daddy had to go back to work.

It was a beautiful warm day and Lily was certain we were making the kitties so happy by hanging out in the sunshine with them.

As you might imagine, the kids delegated the carving to Daddy and Mama.

But they had plenty of fun playing around with the leftovers!

For some reason (and NO, I have not let her read or watch Twilight) Lily is fascinated with vampires, so she chose this fabulous vampire princess costume.

She seems to think vampires are really cool and nice.

I had to keep reminding her that vampires like to suck your blood.

Amelia opted for a hand-me-down purple kitty costume.

At first she wanted to be a vampire like Lily when she saw us looking at the fancy costumes online, but Lily told her there was no way she was allowed to copy her. We came across the kitty costume in the back of Amelia's closet right around the time we got all of our kitties, and thankfully Amelia changed her mind.

Lily wore this costume in 2004 when she was 2 1/2. We've been buying those Walmart Halloween buckets for a long time!

And in 2005 when she was 3 1/2.

Mack couldn't have cared less what his costume was as long as he got candy, so he wore a Lily hand-me-down, too.

Lily wore this doggy costume in 2003 when she was 1 1/2.

Here's what Mack thinks of all my picture taking:

"Enough pictures. WE WANT CANDY!"

Lily, being a cool 4th grader this year, wanted to trick-or-treat with her friends. She's too young to go alone, but I offered to be the parent chaperone and let her invite some of her friends to come with us. Her friend Kierra came over after school and they got ready together. Kierra is even taller than Lily, if you can believe it!

We gathered up friends along the way and Amelia had a blast running around with the big girls.

Here's Lily and her crew: Kendra, Kierra, Lily, and Teeva:

Werewolf, Witch, Vampire, and Kitty. What a cute bunch of girls!

Mack really wasn't too interested in trick-or-treating this year.

Don't get me wrong. He wanted the candy. He just didn't want to work for it. After just a few houses he sat down in the gravel and went on strike.

Fortunately we had the stroller in the back of the Suburban, so he cruised the rest of the night. He did perk up when we got to Marge Carmichael's house.

We visited Marge in September and she let Mack play with all her animals.

Mack was hoping to pet the animals again, but they were "sleeping" for the night.

One of the funniest moments of the night was when the girls approached a particularly spooky house and a seemingly still mummy came alive.

Amelia totally bolted!

Other houses were more friendly. Karla and Seth Toomer were all decked out to serve the trick-or-treaters.

I put forth very minimal effort with my costume.

Mack quickly tired of the stroller and as soon as it got dark he retired to the truck to watch some Scooby-Doo.

The girls kept on truckin'!

Before long Mack was zonked out in the back seat. We put in a little over two hours of trick-or-treating before Mack totally lost it and we headed home.

The jack-o-lanterns and kitties were waiting for us.

Lily's pumpkin was an ode to her kitten Spooky.

Spider was fascinated with Amelia's bat:

I was very thankful that Mack was already zonked out and I didn't have to do the bedtime battle against the lure of the candy bucket.

It was a great night that ended with lots of giggles and a good ol' fashioned sugar high!

United We Stand

2011-11-10T08:53:00.000-07:00

Every year our school has a Veteran's Day program where the kids sing, we watch a slideshow of all our local veterans, and a flag is retired. All of the elementary kids have to write an essay for the program. In honor of our veterans and especially my Dad, I thought I would share Lily's essay.

Love you, Daddy!

Where's Macky?

2011-11-01T09:45:00.000-06:00

Don't you love the age when they think just covering their eyes means they're hiding?

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T08:17:00.000-06:00

"This is the most fun I've had all week!"

Yes, we got kitties. Story coming soon...

Are YOU lookin' at ME?

2011-09-22T09:41:00.001-06:00

Lily and her new horse Bart.

A Message on Families

2011-08-18T01:11:00.002-06:00

Several days ago I read a talk in the monthly magazine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the Ensign. Its message was so powerful to me that I wanted to share it here with you. While it is directed to the membership of the LDS Church, its message is certainly applicable to all who love Christ and seek to follow His truth. The passages that were particularly poignant to me are highlighted in red.

Defending the Family in a Troubled World
By Elder Bruce D. Porter

Latter-day Saints have been blessed with revealed truths regarding families that remain unknown to the world at large. We understand that the family is an eternal institution ordained by God from before the foundation of the world, with the potential to continue on forever beyond this mortal sphere. Happy, loving families, though imperfect and falling short of the ideal, are the closest thing we have on earth to a small-scale model of eternity, a tiny seed of unimaginable glory to come.

We also know that gender, as declared in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” is “an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” The differences between men and women are not simply biological. They are woven into the fabric of the universe, a vital, foundational element of eternal life and divine nature.

The family is intended by God as the great entryway into mortal life. It is central to the salvation of the human race, the perpetuation of civilization, and the birth and rearing of each new generation.

In families more than anywhere else children learn the values, practical life skills, manners, and fundamental truths that enable them to rise up and be successful in the world. They learn the all-important attributes of love, unselfishness, sharing, giving, and hard work that someday will be essential for them to form families of their own and to rear up a new generation in order that the great wheel of life may roll onward. So vital is the family to the cycle of human life and the renewal of each generation that it is fair to say that if the family breaks down, everything breaks down. If families do not fulfill their divinely appointed purpose of carrying on the light of truth and the torch of civilization to the next generation, then we can throw any amount of money or ideas or programs at our world’s problems, and we will assuredly fail.

The Family Is in Crisis

In our contemporary world, in many dimensions, the family is in crisis. The crisis is both internal to many families and it is external or societal in the sense that many of society’s leaders and opinion-makers increasingly seem to have lost their bearings when it comes to understanding the vital importance of the family.

This crisis was foreseen and foretold by ancient prophets who saw our day in vision. Their words of sober prophecy and warning are coming to pass before our very eyes. Here are a few such prophecies from ancient scripture:

The Apostle Paul: “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

“For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy …

“Lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God …

“Led away with divers lusts,

“Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” (2 Timothy 3:1–2, 4, 6–7).

The Lord Jesus Christ: “And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold” (Matthew 24:12).

Isaiah: “Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” (Isaiah 5:20).

We live in a day when the love of many, even toward their own children, is waxing cold; a day when so many people love pleasures more than God; a day when good is called evil and evil good. Those who defend the traditional family, who stand for fidelity and chastity and all that once was considered wholesome and praiseworthy are mocked and ridiculed. On the other hand, those who see no problem with fatherless homes, who advocate abortion, who fight all attempts to limit pornography, and who seek to redefine the very essence of what a family is, are praised and upheld as champions of tolerance. Truly, the world has turned upside down.

In 1920 the divorce rate in the United States was 8 per 1,000 married women; by 1979, it had reached nearly 23, a nearly threefold increase. It has since dropped slightly, but this is likely due to a large increase in cohabitating couples, now an estimated 6.6 million, whose separations, including from children, are not recorded in official statistics. By many measurements, the United States has the highest divorce rate in the world. Evidence of the toll is that today in America a heartbreaking 40 percent of all births are out of wedlock.

One consequence of family disintegration has been a rising generation among whom many no longer seek to perpetuate the cycle of family formation that is at the heart of human existence, and for that matter, at the heart of eternal life. Many young people across our nation, who in the natural course of life should grow up, marry, and rear children, are instead trapped in a world where sexual intimacy is casual, responsibility and long-term commitments are denigrated, and children are viewed as a burden, a distraction from the pursuit of happiness and personal fulfillment. They have lost connection with the divine purpose of mortal life, arriving instead at the sterile apex of the me generation.

At least one secular scholar, James Lincoln Collier, recognized the danger of these trends 20 years ago. Collier traces how in the course of the 20th century, selfishness, sexual immorality, and the deterioration of community values damaged America’s social fabric. His foremost concern is for the family:

“We have abandoned our children. Between a soaring divorce rate and an equally soaring rate of children born to unwed mothers, it is now the case that the majority of our children will spend at least a portion of their childhoods in single parent homes—in effect being raised without fathers. A large minority will spend their entire childhoods essentially without fathers, and a considerable number will not even know who their fathers are.

“This is an extremely unusual circumstance—perhaps unique in human experience. In no known human society, past or present, have children generally been raised outside of an intact nuclear family. The nuclear family is one of the most basic of all human institutions, a system of doing things so fundamental that until this century it occurred to very few people that life could exist without it.”

The disintegration of millions of families has taken place in part because popular media and culture have glorified the pursuit of self: of the wholly autonomous individual unconnected with social or moral obligations, free to pursue whatever ends he or she chooses so long as it does not cause direct physical harm to other aggrandizing selves.

In the mad pursuit of self that prevails in the world today, many believe that they may make up their own rules as they go along, putting on their personal concept of morality or “lifestyle” like a change of clothing. Such is a violation of divine law and as such is doomed to failure. This is what the Lord said of those who seek to become their own law:

“That which breaketh a law, and abideth not by law, but seeketh to become a law unto itself, and willeth to abide in sin, and altogether abideth in sin, cannot be sanctified by law, neither by mercy, justice, nor judgment. Therefore, they must remain filthy still” (D&C 88:35).

Yet the messages we constantly hear in media, entertainment, and advertising sound like this:

“You’re number one.”

“Do your own thing.”

“You’re special.”

“Find yourself.”

Such messages are so pervasive that we unconsciously absorb them and sometimes repeat them. Yet they are diametrically opposite from the message of the Savior, as recorded in similar language in every one of the four gospels: “He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it” (Matthew 10:39).

Happiness through Selflessness and Obedience

We gain happiness and salvation not by blindly pursuing our own self and our own will. We gain salvation by submitting our will, indeed our very selves, to the will of God. We must lose ourselves to find ourselves.

The family by its very nature is an institution based upon righteous self-denial and sacrifice. It is not an individualistic or self-centered organization, but a highly cooperative and other-centered institution. Successful families require that men and women make substantial and long-term sacrifices of their time, money, and personal fulfillment in order to dedicate their efforts to rearing the next generation. Selfishness in any form or degree weakens the bonds that hold families together. The rise of selfishness in our society is the fundamental underlying trend that undermines families and makes successful marriages so difficult. Many today find it irrational to devote so much time and energy to the welfare of the next generation, but if this commitment is not deeply rooted in society, civilization will decline and perish, while children grow up in a moral wasteland, confused, unguided, and unloved.

Moreover, the sacrifices that fathers and mothers make for their children ultimately will result in the greatest possible happiness for those making the sacrifices. In all of human experience, there are no joys more tender, no love more sweet, no fulfillment higher than that found in the family. Those who honor the calling of righteous parenthood will find their souls refined, their hearts purified, and their minds enlightened by the most important lessons of life. They will rise to far greater heights of happiness than those who engage in the narrow and ultimately unsatisfying pursuit of self.

In Lehi’s vision of the tree of life, he saw a strait and narrow path leading to the tree of life, which represented the love of God (see 1 Nephi 8:20; 11:21–22). The world at large is not interested in any moral path that is strait and narrow, but prefers its avenues to be as broad as possible. Latter-day Saints are often accused of narrow-mindedness or lack of tolerance and compassion because of our belief in following precise standards of moral behavior as set forth by God’s prophets. Let us consider, therefore, what is meant by the strait and narrow path.

God has given His children commandments, laws, and revelations that define the pathway leading back into His presence. His laws and commandments are intended to bless us, to uplift us, and to bring us joy. They mark the path of safety amidst the storms and mists of mortal existence. This means that the strait and narrow path is a path of divine love, a path laid down by a God of perfect charity, whose only desire is to bless. To the degree that any human being strays from that path, he or she inevitably experiences inner conflict, distress, and loneliness. To leave the strait and narrow path is to leave the one path congruent with our own eternal nature. When we invite people to lay aside the things of the world and come unto Christ, we are inviting them to the one sure path that leads to lasting joy and inner peace.

To some the very idea of a strait and narrow path will seem intolerant of those who choose different paths. By holding up a divine ideal of what family ought to be, they claim we are guilty of intolerance toward those who choose other paths, other standards, other definitions of right and wrong. But is this really true?

The Shifting Definition of Tolerance

Until recently in our national history, tolerance referred to racial and religious non-discrimination. It meant civility in the political arena; in other words, respecting the right of others to express their views, even if we do not agree with them. It meant treating all people with decency and respect. Such tolerance is an important and vital part of our American heritage.

Today, however, the world is in danger of abandoning all sense of absolute right or wrong, all morality and virtue, replacing them with an all-encompassing “tolerance” that no longer means what it once meant. An extreme definition of tolerance is now widespread that implicitly or explicitly endorses the right of every person to choose their own morality, even their own “truth,” as though morality and truth were mere matters of personal preference. This extreme tolerance culminates in a refusal to recognize any fixed standards or draw moral distinctions of any kind. Few dare say no to the “almighty self” or suggest that some so-called “lifestyles” may be destructive, contrary to higher law, or simply wrong.

When tolerance is so inflated out of all proportions, it means the death of virtue, for the essence of morality is to draw clear distinctions between right and wrong. All virtue requires saying no firmly and courageously to all that is morally bankrupt.

Curiously enough, this new modern tolerance is often a one-way street. Those who practice it expect everyone to tolerate them in anything they say or do, but show no tolerance themselves toward those who express differing viewpoints or defend traditional morality. Indeed, their intolerance is often most barbed toward those of religious conviction. But let there be no misunderstanding or deception: the First Amendment right of free speech applies to religious speech as well as to other kinds of speech. Believers of all faiths have every right to participate in and share their convictions in the public arena.

Now let us go one step further. Even in its original and correct connotation, tolerance is surely a secondary virtue in comparison with the far higher virtue of love. Certainly it is good to be tolerant of those who are different than we are, treating them with kindness and civility. But love, or charity, is the highest of all, and it is far better to genuinely love those with whom we differ. When we truly love all of God’s children in a Christlike way, we will desire to bring them unto Christ, the fountain of all happiness. This means proclaiming the truth, defending that which is right, and in a mild voice inviting all to walk the path of Christ. By defending the traditional family, Latter-day Saints bless all people whether others recognize it now or not.

So perfect and exalted was Christ’s love for God’s children that He took upon Himself the penalty for their sins, descending below all things in the Garden of Gethsemane and dying for us on the cross at Golgotha. Yet He never compromised virtue nor tolerated sin in the slightest degree (see D&C 1:31). He treated the woman taken in adultery with love and respect, putting her accusers to shame; nevertheless He said, “Go, and sin no more” (John 8:11). The Master abhorred sin, because sin is the enemy of the human soul.

God’s love is sometimes described as unconditional. It is true that God loves all of His children on earth no matter how often or how far they may stray. But while God’s love is all-encompassing, His blessings are highly conditional, including the very blessing of being able to feel and experience His love. The further human beings stray from the path of righteousness, the less they will be capable of feeling divine love, because it is conveyed into our hearts by the Holy Spirit. This does not mean that God loves us less when we stray, only that we, by our choices and actions, have distanced ourselves from His love. How wondrous, then, is the gift of repentance, by which we can be brought back into accord with His will and feel again of His love.

Our Responsibility to Defend the Family

In the family proclamation, the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles declare, “We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.” The Church is a small institution compared with the world at large. Nevertheless, the Latter-day Saints as a people should not underestimate the power of our example, nor our capacity to persuade public opinion, reverse negative trends, or invite seeking souls to enter the gate and walk the Lord’s chosen way. We ought to give our best efforts, in cooperation with like-minded persons and institutions, to defend the family and raise a voice of warning and of invitation to the world. The Lord expects us to do this, and in doing so to ignore the mocking and scorn of those in the great and spacious building, where is housed the pride of the world.

Regardless of what the future may hold, God has ordained that in the dispensation of the fullness of times, the parents of the Church will be given power to help save their children from the darkness around them. As the hearts of fathers and mothers turn to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents, we eventually will witness the rise of a generation refined and prepared to meet the Savior at His coming. The triumph of God’s kingdom in the latter days will be a triumph not only of the Church as an organization but of tens of thousands of individual families who by faith have overcome the world.

May we as members of the Church rise up and assume our divinely appointed role as a light to the nations. May we sacrifice and labor to rear a generation strong enough to resist the siren songs of popular culture, a generation filled with the Holy Ghost so that they may discern the difference between good and evil, between legitimate tolerance and moral surrender. May we arise in faith and in love so as to prepare the way for the great millennial reign of Christ, a day to come when in every village and city of the world, boys and girls will play in innocence, and every child of God know the peace of a happy home.

I felt so strongly about this talk that I actually prayed and asked Heavenly Father to be able to share the message of this talk at church. Less than a week later I got a call from a member of the bishopric asking me to speak in sacrament meeting this Sunday.

This talk really has two aspects, one describing the critical need for families to take their mission seriously and for parents to put forth their most valiant efforts into raising their children, the other half focusing on the need to protect and speak out for maintaining and supporting the traditional family. I have a multitude of thoughts on both subjects, which I intend to share, but for tonight I'm going to post this as is and give you the opportunity to contemplate its message before I share my opinion.

Home Sweet Home

2011-08-12T16:49:00.000-06:00

After 3 1/2 weeks, 7 states, 4080 miles, and lots of memories, we arrived home on Sunday night, August 7th. The kids raced out of the Suburban and before I even made it to the front door, Mack was waiting to greet me:

Guess he really missed Cocoa and his hat!

Our summer road trip took us to Oklahoma City where Dan was doing some training for his oil job, to Missouri to visit Dan's side of the family, to Texas to visit my Grandmother Mary and Uncle Kenny & Aunt Tack, then home through New Mexico and Utah. The last stop on the road trip was in American Fork, UT for a family reunion with all my Mom's side of the family.

I have been sleeping in every morning since we arrived home and have generally been a total slug. That's what almost a month on the road will do to you! We are happy to be home where the temperatures are much cooler and the kids can be as loud as they want without disturbing the neighbors.

Let's be optimistic and say that I'm going to post pictures from the trip soon. :)

Some May highlights

2011-05-17T09:10:00.000-06:00

That was so fun I think I'll post some more!

Lily started piano lessons on May 2nd.

We've been thinking about her learning piano for a long time, but we didn't think it would be practical since we don't have a piano ourselves or even much room for a keyboard. Plus I wasn't sure how well a kid could learn piano if their parents didn't play. But after awhile we just decided it was important to us that she learn that skill, so we enrolled her. My friend Karla has been gracious enough to let Lily practice at her house several times a week.

Lily really didn't want to take piano lessons, but after the first session she was hooked. Her teacher, Janel Dayton, makes it really fun and after two lessons Lily asked if she could go more than once a week. We now have her set up to take lessons twice a week.

And when you live in a town so small you can get to piano lessons in one minute by car or five minutes by bike, it's really no big deal to schedule it twice a week.

Lily has really been getting interested in photography since Santa brought her a little camera for Christmas. She takes lots of pictures; sure makes this Mama proud! It's always a treat to download the images off her camera because I never know what I'll find. Last night I discovered this gem from May 1st of Mack & Amelia ready for church.

Mack saw this and said, "That Mee-yah Dee-yah (Amelia Bedelia) and Mackey. Got big owie on it." Mack got a little road rash playing table tag at the park.

After his scab came off Amelia was looking at the pink spot left behind and said, "Mama! I think I can see his spirit. It's pink!"

Mack recently got a haircut and a new T-ball set. Mostly he just tries to whack it as if he's got a machete in his hand.

The little ones and I have been getting out more now that the weather is finally improving. We go out walking and Amelia rides her bike.

This particular morning Mack insisted on bringing his rope.

Which turned out to be a good idea since we ran into a cattle drive on the way back home!

Ron Teichert and most of his kids were moving their cows to greener pasture and his daughter Mary kept driving up the road, in the lead vehicle, and warning us about the cows coming. She offered to give us a ride back so the kids wouldn't get scared. I assured her that my kids would get a big kick out of being right in the middle of the cows.

In case you're wondering, no, we didn't get a dog. That's Brian & Becca's dog Skyley. She often follows us, looking for some adventure.

I cannot tell you how HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY I am that Spring is finally here! We still don't have leaves on the trees, but the grass is getting greener and Karla had daffodils up in her yard yesterday. I will plant my garden in a couple weeks and before long it'll be hot and we'll all be cussing about the mosquitoes!

Amelia's Preschool Graduation

2011-05-16T23:30:00.001-06:00

It's been ages since I've posted. I was talking to Dan tonight and he asked me to post some pictures from Amelia's preschool graduation on my blog. I suggested emailing them and he asked, "What do you have against your blog these days?"

Good question. I guess mostly I just feel so behind and every time I think about posting something it seems too overwhelming. I love to write all the little details and the perfectionist in me has a hard time just posting pictures and walking away.

But that's exactly what I'm going to do tonight (Dan, aren't you proud?). Amelia graduated from preschool tonight, May 16, 2011. Here are some pictures and videos:

2010 Photo Review

2011-01-03T10:19:00.001-07:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

I designed this year-in-review 8x8 photo album for all the grandparents for Christmas. I used Shutterfly and got a great 50% off deal. The site is very easy to use. I would have liked a little more flexibility in the templates, especially with text placement and more options for vertical photos, but overall it was a great site to use. I'm really pleased with the print quality and I plan to print a 12x12 book for our family.

Buckin' Broncos!

2010-12-27T10:12:00.001-07:00

The Christmas bouncy horses from Nana and Papa have been a HUGE hit!

Lily's orange one is named Blossom
Amelia's purple one is named Rainbow.
Mack's brown one is named Cocoa.

Thanks, Nana & Papa!

C'mon sleepy head!

2010-12-27T09:40:00.002-07:00

Not suprisingly, Lily and Mack were up early on Christmas morning while Amelia was sawing logs in my bed. Once Mack saw the Toy Story figures with all the stockings, he was desperate to open Jesse. I told him he had to go ask Sissy.

Remember...

2010-12-24T22:33:00.005-07:00

Friend of the Week

2010-12-06T08:55:00.001-07:00

Lily is the Friend of the Week in her 3rd grade class this week.

I spent an inordinate amount of time making her poster, but I wanted to make it extra special since we haven't done this since she was in kindergarten. If there was a spotlight in first grade, I didn't get the memo, and I totally blew it for second grade because Lily was the star of the week right after Christmas break and I totally forgot. So I stayed up into the wee hours of the morn to complete her poster. And let's face it- I'm an anal perfectionist (except when it comes to housekeeping).

Lily was especially excited about putting her baby picture and others of her growing up on the poster. (Click to view larger.)

Facts about Lily:

Born February 25, 2002
Oldest of 3 children
Nickname "Biggie"
Sister Amelia (4)
Brother Mack (almost 2)
Tall for her age
Got baptized this year
Barrel Racer & Calf Rider
Has lost 10 teeth
Has lived in 5 houses
Early Riser

Lily's Favorites:

Riding her horse
Reading
Helping her Dad on the ranch
Animals of all kinds
Baseball
Clogging
CHS football games
Swimming
Sledding
Ice skating
Alone time with her Mom
Bacon
Popcorn & Kettle Corn
Meatballs
Cheese Pizza
Ice cream
Chocolate
Hardy Boys & Nancy Drew
Purple
Stuffed Animals
Family Reunions
Crafts

Things Lily wants to do:

Have her own bedroom
Get a house pet
Visit her cousins in Missouri
Cook by herself
Build something with her Dad
Get a new horse
Take pictures
Have another sibling

Love my big girl!

Cokeville takes State!

2010-11-15T11:22:00.002-07:00

For Dan...

Smell My Feet

2010-11-15T09:52:00.004-07:00

Dan has been after me for awhile to get some pictures of the kids posted, so I'll start with Halloween.

Lily is really into Nancy Drew books, so originally that's what she was going to be for Halloween. I searched online and it said to just wear a plaid skirt and cardigan, but that's more the style of the recent movie than the actual books. The pictures on the book covers have Nancy wearing conservative 1950's dresses:

(this is what we're reading right now, The Ghost of Blackwood Hall)

I searched online for vintage 1950's dresses and all I could find in Lily's size were dress patterns and I did NOT want to sew a dress! We were talking to Dan on Skype one night and he said, "No one's going to know who she is." After some consideration, I asked Lily if she wanted to be a 50's poodle skirt girl, a costume I found while searching for 1950's clothing. Once I showed her the picture she was sold.

Aside from the awesome twirly skirt, Lily's favorite part of the costume was the cat eye glasses.

Amelia had her costume picked out ages before Halloween. While Dan was at mud school in Houston, home of NASA, he got Amelia a complete astronaut outfit. She was totally in love with it and for weeks before Halloween she went around telling everyone that she was going to be an astronaut.

Because we'd spent quite a bit on the girls' costumes, we opted for a freebie hand-me-down for Mack. We raided our friend Karla's large dress-up stash and Mack was happy as could be in his little lion costume, complete with his own blond curl peeking out the front.

We carved pumpkins with our friends the Toomers a few days before Halloween (that's Kallianne and Karla in the top left.)

I made the mistake of looking up templates online so we'd have something easy to trace. Then the girls saw the dog templates on Better Homes and Gardens' website and I got roped into doing two very intricate designs. Turned out cute, though, huh?

We headed out to trick-or-treat before dark so I could get some pictures and Mack could actually see what was going on. They're like the Three Musketeers of Halloween!

Dude, little bags of chips? A little salty to balance out all the sweet...Genius!

Our friend Katie (Brian's sister) had a scarecrow hanging by her front door. Mack wasn't too sure he wanted to walk past that thing.

Then he realized it was just pretend and thought it was a pretty cool guy.

Please try to ignore the purple girly hand-me-down boots. Mack just got some cool ones from his cousin Alexander this weekend, so the boy police won't be after him anymore.

Mack was totally diggin' on all the candy. He even mastered saying, "Tandy!"

Hands down, this is the coolest front porch in Cokeville:

Who doesn't want a giant cowboy boot outside their front window?

Lily was such a sweetheart, helping Mack walk up to all the doors and get his candy.

Amelia had a little trouble getting her helmet to stay on (here she is at her preschool Halloween party with the thing falling back on her face!)

But it sure came in handy when it started to rain!

We had a great night trick-or-treating, despite the rain. We walked around our corner of town for about 30 minutes, then we took the car and went to other parts of town. We finally got rained out and headed home to check out the loot.

Trick or Treat, Smell My Feet!

Happy Fall

2010-10-18T00:12:00.001-06:00

Love, Curly Q Mack

Anticipation...

2010-10-16T00:08:00.001-06:00

Love This Guy

2010-10-02T00:00:00.000-06:00

Dan heading off bright and early for his first hitch as a mud engineer. Who can resist a man with his name embroidered on his shirt (even if it says J Bown)? Totally hot!

Reflections

2010-09-18T23:28:00.001-06:00

I just finished looking through the pictures of Zoe's funeral. What an emotional day it was. The most poignant image was of Michael, chair pulled right up next to the casket, peacefully looking at his mom...

I know it seemed weird to some people that I was taking pictures. You're supposed to take pictures at happy events, right? But I guess that's just my way of giving, of contributing, and of preserving a moment in time that someday the family might want to remember. I asked Kevin beforehand if he wanted me to get pictures of people and the flowers and such, and he said that would be nice. At first I was somewhat timid because I didn't want to intrude on people's privacy, but after awhile I figured that we would never get this day back and it was better to have too much than not enough. As Kevin said, "just take them and we can always delete them later..." I won't share them here because it's not my place, but there are some wonderful images of people talking and sharing support, some darling pictures of the kids, and tender moments at the graveside.

One thing I was able to do for the funeral was prepare a collection of images from Zoe's life. It was such an honor to do that, to give everyone a visual reminder of the full life that Zoe lived. Kevin's sisters did a wonderful job designing the table, using several of Zoe's Willow Tree sculptures. Many people commented that their favorite image was from Zoe's baptism day, before she and Kevin were a couple, when Kevin was a missionary in England. To see them both in white and think of the eternal nature of their relationship was a great comfort.

Now that the funeral is over, we all face the difficult task of adjusting to a new normal, without Zoe. It just seems so unreal sometimes. It's been hard not to be melancholy and I find that I just don't want to be alone. I need to be around other people who love Zoe, or I just want to sleep.

Dan is coming home from mud school in Houston in 7 days. I'm so anxious not to be alone anymore, yet I'm having mixed emotions about how our future is going to proceed. Mud school seemed manageable because it was a specific amount of time with an end in sight. We were anticipating that Dan was going to have a consistent schedule of two weeks on, two weeks off at a site only 3 hours away. But currently the natural gas rigs in Pinedale are pretty much tapped out, so there's no work there. Dan will likely have to work out of the Casper office and will probably be on a rig in northern Colorado. Not exactly within driving distance for a day trip. And they're short-handed on mud engineers, so Dan will likely have to work much longer than 2 weeks at a time until Halliburton gets more mud engineers trained.

It's so disappointing to get to the end of this big challenge and realize that it's probably not going to improve a lot in terms of our time together as a family. While I have learned a lot about my capacity to handle day-to-day life on my own, and felt empowered by my relative success, we are not a whole family like this:

(Photo taken at Zoe's funeral. Her favorite color was blue.)

I'm ready to feel whole again. And my heart aches for Kevin because he's feeling that emotion exponentially. Zoe's death has brought an insecurity, an uncertainty to all of us. We're not sure what to do with ourselves. I'm not sure I can have confidence in the future right now. My whole world could be ripped away at any moment. I have faith that God can make all things whole, but it's so hard abiding. A strange combination of worry and indifference cloud my mind right now. I'm afraid to feel too deeply, to need too desperately. I hope this soon passes so that I can be a proper wife and mother to the family I adore.

How about some happy pictures?

2010-09-13T23:10:00.002-06:00

The last two days have brought a lot of comfort concerning Zoe. The Spirit has been strong, working hard as the Comforter, and I've had a chance to talk through my feelings with some people close to me and close to Zoe. I feel a great sense of peace about where Zoe is, that her humor and companionship are not lost, and that she will continue to be a presence in all of our lives. Her viewing is tomorrow night and the funeral is on Wednesday. The Nates put me in charge of compiling and framing all of the pictures for the funeral, so I am enjoying that labor of love and smiling as I think of all the fun times we enjoyed with Zoe. Thank you all for your kind comments and support.

Now, how about some happy pictures? Here are some recent ones from the last few weeks:

Lily's first day of 3rd Grade, complete with siblings still in their PJ's and Mack sporting the white trash sneakers-over-footie-pj's look. 8-23-2010.

Stylish outfit courtesy of Target (sweater), Walmart (shirt), Old Navy (pants) and Children's Place (shoes). Ensemble chosen completely by Lily.

Geez, who IS that long-legged kid striding into Mr. Teichert's class?

\This beauty got himself trapped in our house and hung out in the front window all morning. I kept smiling and thinking that my friend Samantha was there in spirit to pay me a little visit. 8-24-2010

Snuggles in the Closet Bed. 8-27-2010

Amelia's first day of Preschool. She was so excited to load up her backpack for the very first time.

8-31-2010

The girl is not shy, that's for sure!

Mack and Biggie spinning on the new playground at the Elementary School. 9-01-2010

I visited Dan over Labor Day weekend. As you can see, he is full of love for his home away from home for the last 8 weeks. Or maybe he just knew he was gonna get lucky that night. Hard to say. 9-05-2010

I was in Houston on Amelia's 4th birthday, so we celebrated yesterday at the Nates. She picked this cake out of the Wilton book several months ago and has been waiting and waiting for her ice cream cone castle cake. 9-12-2010

Grandma Lynette got Amelia this little outfit for her birthday and today she asked could she please wear it to Bal-ah-lay (Ballet) class. It was perfect! 9-13-2010

It's hard being the only boy with two older sisters.
But don't worry Daddy, he's got a ball and a scabby elbow, so he's OK. 9-13-2010

This is my friend Zoe.

2010-09-11T14:22:00.001-06:00

Zoe is married to Brian Nate's brother Kevin (Brian is Dan's best friend and our next door neighbor). Zoe is 31 years old and mother to 5-year-old Michael and 11-month-old Olivia. The Nates are our adopted family here in Cokeville, so Zoe is family. But she is also my friend.

Zoe died on Monday.

She had been sick with the flu and Kevin had taken the kids to his mom's so Zoe could rest. Kevin and Zoe spent a quiet afternoon at home, napping and watching TV. Shortly before 5:00pm, Kevin looked over at his sleeping Zoe and noticed that her lips looked blue. Just then his sister Katie arrived to bring the kids back and Kevin asked, "Do Zoe's lips look blue to you?" They called 911 and Kevin began CPR, but Zoe was gone.

Just gone.

After extensive autopsies, the cause of death is still unknown. No sign of heart trauma, no aneurysm, no lung failure, no toxins or weird drug interactions, nothing.

It is hard to fathom how someone can just be gone with no explanation. I won't try to imagine what each member of the Nate family is going through, I cannot know their grief, I can only know my own grief.

I don't think anyone really knew, not even Dan, that Zoe had really become a good friend of mine in the last few months. Zoe understood some things about me that not everyone can. I can't say too much right now because I'm just too emotional. But I had really begun to rely on Zoe, especially since Dan has been gone, as someone I could talk to and just comfortably be with anytime, without agenda or expectation.

I hope that she can see, that she can look down from heaven and know how much she was loved.

Why I go to the Temple

2010-08-26T23:52:00.006-06:00

It's been about 6 months since I've been to the temple. My recommend expired at the end of March, I didn't get it renewed until June, and then I just let summer get in the way. I've never been real consistent about my temple attendance. I like to think of myself as a temple-loving saint, but our impressions of who we are are often skewed by our intentions rather than our actions.

photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Our temple district is the Logan, UT Temple and it's about an hour and 45 minute drive from Cokeville. In all my married life, this is the farthest I've ever lived from a temple, even when we lived in Virginia. So I have that excuse, but honestly I only made it 2 or 3 times a year even when we lived close to a temple. I also use the excuse that it's hard to get a babysitter for 3 kids for what turns out to be an all-day affair. It's not high on the priority list as a couple activity with Dan, someday I hope it will be, but for now if we have a day where we can spend a significant amount of time together and pay for a babysitter, we choose different activities. Sad, but true.

I have been going solo for quite some time and because of the time commitment involved to go to Logan (2 hour session and 3 1/2 hours of driving, plus usually some shopping while I'm in the "big city") I've opted to just go to the temple when I am visiting my Mom and I can leave the kids with her. This was my first time attending the Logan Temple, my "home" temple, and I went away from it with a few epiphanies, especially in light of the post I put up yesterday.

The prophet and our local leaders urge us to attend the temple at least once a month, more if possible. And yet, it is one of God's instructions that I have a hard time following. Why is the temple so important? What is it about regular temple worship that makes all those old couples who work in the temple bear such strong testimony of its importance?

I've had some wonderful experiences in the temple. My very favorite temple memory is from when I was a newlywed. Dan and I were stake missionaries out in Falls Church, VA and I often went out on splits with the sister missionaries. One week they invited me to join them in a mission-wide (or maybe it was just a zone-wide) temple day at the Washington D.C. Temple. As usual, I was running late and missed the session that the sisters were in, caught the next one 30 minutes later. I figured I had missed everyone, but after completing the endowment session and rounding the corner into the Celestial Room, I was greeted by the most amazing sight. The room was absolutely jam packed with people in white, all smiling, the room aflutter with positive energy and joy. My favorite missionary, Sister Bolingbroke saw me and rushed to give me a giant hug and I was immediately struck by the thought, "This is what it's going to be like on the other side." Joyful faces, clothed in white, rushing to welcome you to the most serene place you could ever imagine.

But to be perfectly honest, the majority of my experiences in the temple are not as memorable. The endowment session is a place of instruction where you are taught about the creation, about your purpose on earth and in the next life, and where you make covenants to live a clean and Christ-devoted life. Because it is essentially a classroom, there is a lot of repetition and it is narrated by a single voice. Part of the endowment is a video presentation and I gotta be honest. You put me in a soft chair and turn down the lights, chances are I'm gonna need some toothpicks to keep my eyes open. No matter how much sleep I've gotten prior to going to the temple, I always struggle to stay awake. Which sometimes leads to guilt "I am not doing justice to this experience for the person for whom I am standing as proxy" or shame as I catch myself doing the head jerk and hope no one noticed. Sometimes I come away wondering if it did any good to go and doze off through any part of it.

But you know what? I have never regretted going. Not once. The information taught there has great value, of eternal consequence. And while I've heard it all before and I have a decent enough memory I could likely recall all the things I learned there without going for awhile, I never want to forget. I always want to be prepared to meet God and have the confidence that I can answer the inquiries from the angels who stand as sentinels to God's kingdom.

I often gain some kind of insight or wisdom as I listen to the familiar words with new ears. And sometimes it doesn't strike me until a day or two later, sometimes weeks later, but I usually find something that applies to my current challenges, some kind of direction or comfort that helps me as I strive to be a more complete person. But there are also times in my life when I'm not particularly seeking for anything when I go to the temple and I may not receive any great insights, but I still enjoy the quiet, the sense of being in a cocoon, a sanctuary away from the world. And that has tremendous value.

But you know one of the biggest reasons I keep going to the temple? To be obedient. Plain and simple. There is a peace found in doing what God asks you to, even if you don't have the vision to see all that He wants you to see at that time. We ebb and flow in our spirituality and in our sensitivity to the Spirit and sometimes we just aren't "feelin' it" in that department. But the Lord wants us to continue, to press forward, to strive even when we aren't in the mood. That's the whole idea behind enduring.

Because I want to be a doer and not just a hearer of the Word, I am committing anew to make temple worship a priority. Because of this busy time in my life, with small children requiring a great deal of my time, the best I am aiming for right now is to attend monthly. And perhaps sometimes I will not do an endowment session, but do some sealings or other ordinances which require less time. But I want to make it a priority in my life.

As I was setting up the link about temples at the top of this post, I was so impressed at how clearly and succinctly the Church's website conveys all that I believe about the temple. I have a rock solid testimony that it is the most divine place on earth and that every person alive, no matter where you are in your current life, should strive to get there. The explanation of the temple bears sharing here:

Why These Temples?

by President Gordon B. Hinckley

Was there ever a man or woman who, in a time of quiet introspection, has not pondered the solemn mysteries of life?

Has he or she not asked, "Where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? What is my relationship to my Maker? Will death rob me of the treasured associations of life? What of my family? Will there be another existence after this, and, if so, will we know one another there?"

The answers to these questions are not found in the wisdom of the world. They are found only in the revealed word of God. Temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are sacred structures in which these and other eternal questions are answered. Each is dedicated as a house of the Lord, a place of holiness and peace shut apart from the world. There truths are taught and ordinances are performed that bring knowledge of things eternal and motivate the participants to live with an understanding of our divine inheritance as children of God and an awareness of our potential as eternal beings.

These buildings, different from the thousands of regular Church houses of worship scattered over the earth, are unique in purpose and function from all other religious edifices. It is not the size of these buildings or their architectural beauty that makes them so. It is the work that goes on within their walls.

The designation of certain buildings for special ordinances, as distinguished from regular places of worship, is not new. This was the practice in ancient Israel, where the people worshiped regularly in the synagogues. Their more sacred place was, first, the tabernacle in the wilderness with its Holy of Holies, and then a succession of temples, where special ordinances were performed and where only those who met the required qualifications could participate in these ordinances.

So it is today. Prior to the dedication of a temple, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints invites the public to go through the building and inspect its various facilities. But when it is dedicated it becomes the house of the Lord, vested with a character so sacred that only members of the Church in good standing are permitted to enter. It is not a matter of secrecy. It is a matter of sanctity.

The work that goes on in these buildings sets forth God's eternal purposes with reference to man—God's child and creation. For the most part, temple work is concerned with the family, with each of us as members of God's eternal family and with each of us as members of earthly families. It is concerned with the sanctity and eternal nature of the marriage covenant and family relationships.

It affirms that each man and woman born into the world is a child of God, endowed with something of His divine nature. The repetition of these basic and fundamental teachings has a salutary effect upon those who receive them, for as the doctrine is enunciated in language both beautiful and impressive, the participant comes to realize that since every man and woman is a child of Heavenly Father, then each is a member of a divine family; hence, every person is his brother or sister.

When asked by the scribe, "Which is the first commandment of all?" the Savior replied, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

"And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself" (Mark 12:28, 30–31).

The teachings set forth in modern temples give powerful emphasis to this most fundamental concept of our duty to our Maker and to our neighbors. Sacred ordinances amplify this ennobling philosophy of the family of God. They teach that the spirit within each of us is eternal, in contrast with the body, which is mortal. They not only give understanding of these great truths but also motivate the participant to love of God and encourage him to demonstrate a greater neighborliness toward others of our Father's children.

Accepting the premise that each is a child of God helps us see that there is divine purpose in mortal life. Here again, revealed truth is taught in the house of the Lord. Earth life is part of an eternal journey. We lived as spirit children before we came here. The scriptures bear testimony of this. Witness the word of the Lord to Jeremiah: "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations" (Jeremiah 1:5).

We come into this life as children of mortal parents and as members of families. Parents are partners with God in bringing to pass His eternal purposes with reference to His children. The family, therefore, is a divine institution, the most important both in mortality and in eternity.

Much of the work that goes on within temples is concerned with the family. Basic to an understanding of its meaning is recognition of the fact that even as we existed as children of God before we were born into this world, so also shall we continue to live after death, and the treasured and satisfying relationships of mortality, the most beautiful and meaningful of which are found in the family, may continue in the world to come.

Marriage partners who come to the house of the Lord and partake of its blessings are joined not only for the period of their mortal lives but for all eternity. They are bound together under authority not only of the law of the land that joins them until death but also through the eternal priesthood of God, which binds in heaven that which is bound on earth. The couple so married has the assurance of divine revelation that their relationship and that of their children will not end with death but will continue in eternity, provided they live worthy of that blessing.

Was there ever a man who truly loved a woman, or a woman who truly loved a man, who did not pray that their relationship might continue beyond the grave? Has a child ever been buried by parents who did not long for the assurance that their loved one would again be theirs in a world to come? Can anyone believing in eternal life doubt that the God of heaven would grant His sons and daughters that most precious attribute of life, the love that finds its most meaningful expression in family relationships? No, reason demands that the family relationship shall continue after death. The human heart longs for it, and the God of heaven has revealed a way whereby it may be secured. The sacred ordinances of the house of the Lord provide for it.

But all of this would appear to be unfair indeed if the blessings of these ordinances were available only to those who are now members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The fact is that the opportunity to come into the temple and partake of its blessings is open to all who will accept the gospel and be baptized into the Church. For this reason, the Church carries forward an extensive missionary program in much of the world and will continue to expand this program as widely as possible, for it has the responsibility, under divine revelation, to teach the gospel to "every nation, kindred, tongue, and people."

But there are uncounted millions who have walked the earth and who have never had the opportunity to hear the gospel. Shall they be denied such blessings as are offered in the temples of the Lord?

Through living proxies who stand in behalf of the dead, the same ordinances are available to those who have passed from mortality. In the spirit world these same individuals are then free to accept or reject those earthly ordinances performed for them, including baptism, marriage, and the sealing of family relationships. There's no compulsion in the work of the Lord, but there must be opportunity.

This vicarious work constitutes an unprecedented labor of love on the part of the living in behalf of the dead. It makes necessary a vast undertaking of family history research to find and identify those who have gone before. To assist in this research, the Church coordinates a family history program and maintains research facilities unmatched in all the world. Its archives are open to the public and have been used by many who are not members of the Church in tracing their forebears. This program has been praised by genealogists throughout the world and has been utilized by various nations as a safeguard of their own records. But its primary purpose is to afford members of the Church the resources needed to identify their ancestors that they might extend to them the blessings that they themselves enjoy. They in effect say to themselves, "If I love my wife and children so dearly that I want them for all eternity, then should not my deceased grandfather and great-grandfather and other forebears have opportunity to receive the same eternal blessings?"

And so these sacred buildings are scenes of tremendous activity, quietly and reverently carried forward. They call to mind a part of the vision of John the Revelator wherein are recorded this question and this answer: "What are these which are arrayed in white robes? and whence came they? . . .

"These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

"Therefore are they before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple" (Revelation 7:13–15).

Those who come to these holy houses are arrayed in white as they participate therein. They come only on recommendation of their local ecclesiastical authorities, having been certified as to their worthiness. They are expected to come clean in thought, clean in body, and clean in dress to enter the temple of God. As they enter they are expected to leave the world behind them and concentrate on things divine.

This very exercise, if such it may be called, carries with it a reward of its own, for who in these times of stress would not welcome an opportunity to shut out the world and enter into the Lord's house, there to ponder quietly the eternal things of God? These sacred precincts offer the opportunity, available nowhere else, to learn of and reflect on the truly meaningful things of life—our relationship to Deity and our eternal journey from a premortal state into this life and on to a future estate where we shall know and associate one with another, including our own loved ones and our forebears who have preceded us and from whom has come our inheritance of things of the body, mind, and spirit.

Surely these temples are unique among all buildings. They are houses of instruction. They are places of covenants and promises. At their altars we kneel before God our Creator and are given promise of His everlasting blessings. In the sanctity of their appointments we commune with Him and reflect on His Son, our Savior and Redeemer, the Lord Jesus Christ, who served as proxy for each of us in a vicarious sacrifice in our behalf. Here we set aside our own selfishness and serve for those who cannot serve themselves. Here, under the true priesthood power of God, we are bound together in the most sacred of all human relationships—as husbands and wives, as children and parents, as families under a sealing that time cannot destroy and death cannot disrupt.

These sacred buildings were constructed even during those dark years when the Latter-day Saints were relentlessly driven and persecuted. They have been built and maintained in times of poverty and prosperity. They come from the vital faith of an ever-growing number who bear witness of a living God, of the resurrected Lord, of prophets and divine revelation, and of the peace and assurance of eternal blessings to be found only in the house of the Lord.

Current thoughts and opinions, in no particular order...

2010-08-25T23:05:00.000-06:00

A lot on my mind tonight. I'm in a particularly opinionated mood (very unusual) which has caused me to reflect and evaluate how I feel about the way my life has turned out so far. This is a total stream of consciousness bit of writing and I make no effort to make it cohesive or fluid.

My life is not glamorous. I live in an 800 square foot house, with the original 400 sqft house built in 1914, moved to its current location in 1937, and added onto in the 1950's to incorporate indoor plumbing. I don't have a lot of pretty things. My house is often messy and there's no real sense of style, just a hodge-podge of furniture collected over the years. My hubby and I both drive cars that are over 20 years old and there's a big puddle of oil out front where my car is parked. I enjoy having Dan gone for the sole reason that I get to sleep on the hump in the middle of our bed where the mattress is firm and not all squishy from years of laying in the same spot. We don't own a television. My computer is over 7 years old and as much as I want a new one, I'm tickled with my recent upgrade in hard drive. My newest camera lens is 5 years old and my oldest one is 15 years old. I want new lenses so bad sometimes I think I'll burst, but I haven't yet and I likely never will. Burst, that is.

I am happy.

It's taken several years, but I have learned that having "stuff" is SO not worth the anxiety caused by living beyond your means.

Honestly, I love how simple my life is. I love that I don't live in the city where I have the option to run to Walmart or Target almost daily to grab one or two things. I like that I'm forced to plan my shopping and that I spend more time at home and less time running errands. I love that I have a garden. I love walking out my front door and picking food that I grew all by myself and feeding it to my children.

I love that I live a traditional family lifestyle where the man goes to work and provides for the family's temporal needs and the woman stays home to try to raise honest, kind, and productive little people who will grow to be adults with integrity. I think most of the world is far too consumed with what they think will make themselves happy rather than placing their efforts on the far more important cause of what will make their children secure and happy. I think self-control is one of the most critical character traits one needs to develop to be successful in life. You never really mature until you learn to delay immediate gratification in exchange for something of greater value in the long-term.

I don't want my children to be part of the "entitled" generation that I see all around me. I nag and lecture and spout parenting cliches all day long, but I want my children to be grateful and to learn not to expect anything unless they work for it. I want to raise my kids the way my grandparents did. Hard work, high standards, but with lots of hugs and love. I want to be able to review my life in 50 years and know that I did something good and worthwhile because it will show in the kind of people my children and grandchildren have become.

I'm full of faults, but in general I'm satisfied with the person I have become. I am annoying and nosy and find it very difficult not to express my opinion, but I am also deeply passionate and compassionate, and I have faith in people's ability to rise and change and improve. Nothing about us has to be permanent. We can always improve our circumstances, even if it is only by adjusting our attitude. I get frustrated watching people make choices that I wouldn't make. I've been trying to be better about keeping my mouth shut because I don't want to come across as if I think I'm superior. I've just learned to be patient, ever patient in choosing my path and I want other people to reap the rewards of this careful and deliberate kind of living.

Easy never turns out to be easy, really. Anything of value in this life requires a lot of hard work and sacrifice. So many people do what is easy at the time, but end up paying the price later. Just do the difficult thing, make the difficult choice because ultimately it will bring you greater rewards. And just because something is hard, so what? You won't die, you won't shrivel up and melt away into nothingness, you won't permanently break down. You will learn to persist and eventually succeed, and you will feel damn proud of what you accomplished.

Just wanted to say some things out loud. Just put them out there in the universe. To get them out of my brain so I can sleep.

That is all.

Boys=Stitches

2010-08-11T18:34:00.002-06:00

On Saturday I picked up my official "Mother of Boys" membership card.

The kids and I went camping with my brother Don and his wife Lora and kids at the Heber Valley Camp. It was a totally sweet place with 3 cabins that slept 16 people each in bunk beds. The camp is owned by the church and used for Girls Camp during the week in the summer, but families can camp there on Friday nights.

You noticed I said bunk beds, right?

You know where this is going...

As we were folding up all our bedding to pack up the car, Mack fell off one of the bunk bed ladders. He'd begged me to climb up and play with Amelia, so I helped him up and figured the safety bar (as shown here with Rachel & Faith) would be enough to corral him.

I should have known better. Mack decided he was big enough to climb down on his own but he didn't make it past the second rung. I saw him fall straight down to the concrete and it looked like he broke the fall with his hand or arm, but it turns out he broke the fall with his mouth. I picked him up to find his mouth bleeding, which hasn't been too unusual in the last couple of months, but this was a LOT more blood than the usual bonk produces. I could see that one of his front teeth was twisted crooked. After soaking up the blood with a tissue a few times, I knew an ER visit was going to be necessary.

Is it so wrong that I thought, "Thanks goodness we have great new insurance and I actually have the ID card with me"?

After giving Mack a dose of ibuprofen, I asked Don to give him a priesthood blessing. Then Don and Rachel packed up my car in a frenzy and we drove off to the Heber Valley Medical Center. Mack fell asleep on the way, but continued to bleed. Lily was like, "Mama! How can you take a picture of that?"!

Mack continued to sleep while we waited for the doctor and I decided it must not be too bad since he was busy sucking on his binky.

Which resulted in a gruesome binky print.

Upon examination the doctor found about a half inch split under the lip that would require stitches.

I'd like to say I'm posting these pictures just so Dan can see them in Houston, but we all know I love gnarly pictures and don't mind sharing them on the blog. I did try to be nice, though, and make them a little smaller for the squeamish among you. Feel free to click and enlarge if you like all the gory details. :)

The doctor gave Mack a sedative called ketamine. It's not supposed to completely knock you out, just make you kind of oblivious to what's happening. Mack didn't respond too well to the drug; he got plenty sleepy, but once the doc started messing with his mouth he started screaming. They ended up just putting a local anesthetic on the wound and we all held him down while the doctor sewed. He got four stitches, two under his lip and two where the gum ripped away from his tooth.

He was a real trooper. As soon as the stitches were in I snuggled him and he was just fine. Then he got even better when he discovered a leftover chocolate shake that Aunt Lora had taken the girls to get.

Amazingly, Mack was back to normal that evening, like nothing ever happened. He tried to bite into an apple (which I immediately grabbed out of his hands) and he slept through the whole night with just one midnight dose of ibuprofen.

I took him to a dentist on Monday to make sure there were no problems with his teeth. The dentist said there's a small chance the front tooth that's twisted may fall out, but we'll just have to watch and see. The root of the baby tooth may have caused some damage on the permanent tooth which would result in a yellow spot on the permanent tooth, but there's nothing that can be done about it.

It's been four days since the accident and aside from a fat lip, you would never know it happened.

Mack is right back to his rowdy little boy self.

And I'm busy adding a notch to my "Mother of Boys" belt.

Beach=Joy

2010-08-01T23:48:00.000-06:00

The kids and I went camping at Bear Lake on Friday & Saturday for my Cox family reunion (my Mom's side). I'm anxious to dive into all the pictures and do a big post, but for tonight I wanted to post my favorite of each of the kids. They had SO MUCH FUN playing with their cousins at the beach!

We missed Dan, and as I frolicked around taking pictures of the kids, I longed for Dan to be there to see the joy his children were experiencing. So many people have been asking me how I'm doing as a single parent and the truth is that I think I got the long end of the stick on this 13 week separation. Every night when I talk to Dan and hear about his rigorous class schedule and study requirements, I realize that I've got it pretty good here at home with the kids, in the comfort of our little home with the garden and horses and fresh air all around us. Tonight I've been overwhelmed with gratitude for Dan and his sacrifice to provide for our family. The stress of our financial burdens is diminishing and that has freed up a lot of emotional energy for me to focus on our children and remember how much I love them and how truly grateful I am to be their mother.

Good Pickins

2010-07-19T22:45:00.000-06:00

We have been fortunate enough to inherit a fantastic strawberry and raspberry patch left by the previous neighbors. Our raspberries have several weeks to go until they'll be ready to pick, but the strawberries are comin' on strong! I was out weeding last week and the kids had a great time picking through the plants to find little red nuggets of sweetness.

The only problem was that Mack was eating them as fast as we could pick them!

Lily had great fun smearing strawberries across her lips like lipstick.

I've sure enjoyed the little camera on my Blackberry. It takes pretty decent pictures and I always have it with me to catch spontaneous moments like these.

We love Daddy, Yessiree!

2010-07-12T08:00:00.001-06:00

Dan is in Pinedale, Wyoming this week on a natural gas rig (Brian's rig actually, what are the odds?) getting familiar with things before he heads off to Houston on Sunday. Lily is really starting to miss her Dad and I fear it's going to be a LOOONG 10 weeks! I'm going to Pinedale on Thursday and Friday to stay at Dan's hotel and spend some private time together before he leaves. Or as my cousin Josh puts it, "Gotta fill the canteen before he goes off to war"!

Just feeling sentimental today and so grateful for the sacrifices Dan is making for our family. I'll post more about his job and how it all came about later. But for now, here is a pic of Dan and the kids on Father's Day:

That is NOT a bald spot on the top of Dan's head, it's a sun dapple. That patch in the front is, though! :) Love you, Bin!

And...We're Back!

2010-07-06T00:15:00.003-06:00

I'm pretty sure this is the longest blogging hiatus I have taken since starting my blog over three years ago. Life has been very busy and full of changes for our family of 5. Briefly, here's what's been going on:

Dan has started a new job with Halliburton (oil/natural gas) and will be leaving for Houston on July 18 to attend a 10 week school for drilling fluids engineers. Yep, he'll be gone 'til October. After completing mud school he will work 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off as a mud engineer in Pinedale, Wyoming (about 3 hours away). He will continue to write patents as cases become available, but in the meantime we're SUPER excited about having a steady paycheck and great health insurance.
The kids and I have planted a large garden this year: peas, carrots, green beans, soy beans, tomatoes, basil, cucumbers, broccoli, onions, garlic, spinach, swiss chard, potatoes, and pumpkins. My mom and sister donated lots of supplies, including soaker hoses which have made irrigation so convenient. The kids, especially Mack, love digging in the dirt and watching all of our plants grow.
I have gone from a size 12 to a size 8 since March when I began participating at Healthy Wife Happy Life. I took the month of June off but tried to still eat sensibly and exercise. I've maintained my weight, but gone a little soft, so I'm starting back on the blog this week. I've found that I love running and I plan to run a 5K on the 24th of July.
I've started writing some articles for our local newspaper. They want me to take over as the editor at the end of the summer, but I just can't take on that big of a task, especially considering that it's all done on a volunteer basis and I'll be a single parent for the next few months. You can read some of my articles here in the June and July issues.
I coached Amelia's T-ball team during the month of June. At first I just volunteered out of a sense of obligation to get involved in the community. No one was more surprised than me to find that I really enjoyed it! I'm no baseball expert, but I sure had fun with all the little kids!
I went to Girls Camp for the first time in 20 years. It was SO MUCH FUN! I can't figure out why I only went once as a teenager. It was so fun being out in nature, enjoying all of God's wonders, all the while not having to worry about my children falling in the fire or whining all night in the tent. I had a blast telling stories and being goofy with all the girls. I'm totally planning to go again next year.
Mack is 18 months old now (hooray for nursery at church!) and wants to spend every waking moment outside. He doesn't talk much, no "Mama" or "Dada", just ball "bawww", dog "dah" and horse "ho". He loves to play with balls, climb on Amelia's bike, eat breakfast first thing in the morning (he loves food!) and snuggle with his woobie.
Amelia learned to ride a bike with training wheels last month. She picked up on it right away, a real natural, and spends a large part of each summer day out riding her bike. Her speech has really improved in the last few months, she can say her "L's" and she enunciates her words quite well. Just last week we said goodbye to Pull-ups at night and she sleeps in her big girl panties now. She's really excited to start preschool in the fall.
Lily is in hog heaven with summer vacation and long days spent outside. She has a large circle of friends and loves to explore and collect treasures (and hoard them in her bunk bed) she finds outside. She's still an avid Hardy Boys fan and the only thing she doesn't like about summer is that there's no clogging classes until September. She hasn't been able to ride her horse much this season because Dan has been gone, but we might still be able to get her into the rodeo for the 24th of July.
We finally started having the girls do regular chores everyday and it has really helped me with my workload and it's teaching the girls to be more responsible.

I hope to write more detailed posts about all of these happenings, but for now this will have to suffice. Here are our three little firecrackers on the 4th of July:

My Latest Photo/Auntie Expedition

2010-04-14T04:26:00.002-06:00

Last Tuesday, April 6th, I had the privilege of photographing the birth of my sister Becky's final baby.

Since Becky'd had two c-sections already, they automatically scheduled her for a third c-section with this last baby. Knowing she could have only one person in the operating room with her, and knowing this would be the last birth experience for her, she invited me to accompany her and photograph the event. Her husband Zen had already seen two gory c-sections and was totally fine to step aside on this one!

It was so awesome! Especially my outfit:

The whole time I kept thinking, "Man, I wish I could photograph my own baby's birth!" Fortunately, I've trained Dan pretty well over the years and he has done a great job photographing the births of our children.

Samuel Zachary Allred was born at 7:39am. He was 8lbs 4oz and 20.5 inches long.

Becky got to give him a brief kiss before they took him to the nursery and finished sewing up his mommy.

The hospital was newly remodeled and had a great nursery. Only the parents were supposed to be in the nursery, but I just acted like I was supposed to be there and no one kicked me out. Maybe the scrubs gave me some aura of legitimacy. The anesthesiologist was totally amused by me and kept saying, "She looks like she's from Time Magazine!" as I clicked away in the operating room. I took over 350 pictures in the first two hours of Sam's life!

It was so fun getting pictures of all the little details.

Little Dude needs some nail clippers!

This is one of my favorite pictures, Becky and Zen admiring their Little Man:

While Becky loved on her baby in the recovery room, Zen made all the "baby news" phone calls.

Becky's three oldest children never really cared for binkies, but when Emma came along the Allred family discovered the joy of the binky and what a great self-soother it is. Sam was indoctrinated right away and he loves his binky (that is, when his sister isn't mooching it!).

Sam looked so cute in the hand-knitted hat that was donated to the hospital. You can see where he got after his face with those claws of his!

Here's the complete Allred Crew, now a family of seven (note Emma's double binkies):

Dani (12) is absolutely enamored with her baby brother. Connor (4) even stopped playing with the hospital bed and playing hide-n-go-seek in the closet long enough to admire "Baby Sammy".

I was uber amused by Gil (15) sharing his mp3 player with Sam."Don't freak out Mom, the volume is at one. See? He likes it!"

There was a full-on white out the day Sam was born, complete with 40mph Wyoming winds. I-80 was closed until about 5:30pm, so I decided to wait until the next morning to make the 2 hour drive home.

It was so cool having a sleepover with my sister in the hospital room! There was even a pretty comfortable couch to sleep on (I like a firm bed). Staying overnight allowed me to do a little photo shoot of Sam on Wednesday morning. Mom was a great assistant, holding up a sheet for more reflected light.

I had a heck of a time getting a picture of Sam without his hand in his mouth. The whole time he was like, "Feed me, Seymour!"

Being with Becky at Sam's birth was such a tender experience. I loved being able to document all of his first moments. I loved watching Becky and Sam doze throughout the day. I loved the quiet peacefulness as we all slept through the night. It reminded me of times when we were kids cuddled up together on Christmas Eve or having a sleepover just because. To see Becky and I as teenagers you would have never guessed we'd turn out to be best friends like we have. But we are thick as thieves now and whenever we have a problem or some exciting news or just feel like blabbing, we usually call each other before anyone else.

I love you, Bec!

Beware: Nostalgia can lead to Chagrin

2010-03-23T20:01:00.001-06:00

Since today is mine and Dan's 14th anniversary, I figured this would be a good time to post these pictures of Lily. When we were at my Mom's house a couple weeks ago I came across my wedding dress in one of the closets. I was feeling nostalgic or sentimental or at least not in a hurry to get to the next thing, so I asked Lily if she wanted to try the dress on. Her eyes got really big and she said, "Really?"

She had a great time all dressed up and posing like a little bride.

Such a little beauty!

So, you know I've been working out and dieting, right? Well, feeling a little sassy, I decided to try on my wedding dress and see how close I was to fitting into it. I pulled the dress over my legs and promptly hit a road block called hips. "Ooh, this is gonna be a tight squeeze." So I wiggle and writhe until the dress barely clears my butt when I hear a horrible sound. "Rrrrrriiiiiippp." Yup, I tore the seam just below the zipper.

Moral of the story? Don't even bother pulling the dress out of the bag until you're within 10 pounds.

Healthy Wife, Happy Life

2010-03-15T10:20:00.012-06:00

Last week I joined 4 of the Queen Vee's daughters/daughters-in-law in a health challenge via the blog Healthy Wife Happy Life. I wanted to post a duplicate of my "about me" post here on my regular blog.

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Hi, My name is Sue and I wear a Girdle

I am the 34-year-old mother of 3 and I live in rural Wyoming. I'm a little late joining the challenge; I wasn't sure I was willing to commit to counting calories. But after 8 weeks of exercising several times a week and seeing no results, something needs to change.

I met Audrey's husband Chris when we were teenage Army Brats living in Heidelberg, Germany. Audrey and I mostly just know each other online, but I'm hoping to crash the Carlson family reunion this summer and hang out with all the Carlson women!

My latest love affair with the girdle actually began with the Carlsons. I attended their Uncle Kirk's funeral at the end of September 2009 and it was the first time I had seen them in several years. I had a 9-month-old baby and was feeling super chubby. I didn't have anything nice to wear that didn't make me feel like a heifer (Audrey, totally hearin' you on the lack of Sunday wardrobe), so I spent two hours at my sister-in-law's house trying to find something suitable to wear. Everything I tried on showed the giant gut, which, when you view it in profile without sucking it in, sticks out further than my boobs. Not cool. Finally my SIL suggested I try a girdle. It's one of those corset types that would double as sexy lingerie if I actually had the bod for it. But I digress.

Here I am with Melissa, Victoria, Mindy and Samantha 5 months ago:

This is me just a couple weeks ago at my daughter's baptism (Audrey, I think Lily and Jonah are less than a week apart). I stopped highlighting my hair because it was a luxury I couldn't afford to keep up, but I'm thinking my natural dark brown actually makes me look fatter.

In January I decided it was time to get serious about losing the baby fat so I started exercising diligently. The sad, sad news is that exercise alone is just not enough at my age. A true tragedy. Over the last couple of weeks I have just tried to control my portion size and eat fewer treats, but that hasn't done much for me. So now I am committing to the tedious task of keeping a food journal and counting calories.

I am 5'5" and 158 pounds. After consulting the MyPyramid website I determined that my recommended calorie intake is 2000. I was pretty stoked and thought, "That's a ton, I can totally do that." Yeah, well, after adding up yesterday's calories (when I wasn't committed to this challenge) I discovered that I had eaten over 2700 calories. And I had even been somewhat "careful" yesterday. Today I have already surpassed 1200, it's only 4:00pm and I'm STARVING! This is going to suck more than I thought. Did you know that one measly turkey and provolone sandwich (on multi-grain bread, thank you very much) with mayo is 592 calories? Holy crap, that's almost a 3rd of my daily recommened intake. What a bummer! I expected the high calorie counts for things like brownies (which I made on Sunday and are now taunting me from the kitchen) at 170 calories for a 2" square, and frosted sugar cookies (my weakness) at about 200 calories a pop. But a sandwich and grapes for lunch hit over 700 calories? Ugh. This is gonna be hard.

But having had this calorie revelation, I'm now realizing why I haven't lost any weight. Like Sam said in a previous post, I guess it's not OK to eat all day, every day. And like Melissa mentioned, age is slowing down our metabolism so we really have to work a lot harder than we did in the glory days.

Ladies, let's kick this fat to the curb! My goal is to go from a size 12 to a size 8. Not in 3 weeks, of course, but I'd like to at least not have my jeans feel painted on when they're fresh out of the dryer. That would be a good start for 3 weeks.

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So, after one week of the challenge I am feeling SO much better about my level of health. Turns out counting calories is really the secret to losing weight. I've always tried to convince myself that exercise was enough because I just didn't want to watch what I ate. I forgot to weigh myself before breakfast this morning, but I have lost at least 3 pounds in the last week by staying below 2000 calories. In 8 weeks of exercise I fluctuated up and down only a pound and a half. The first day of calorie counting felt like sheer torture, but after a week, it is so much easier to eat healthy! For the first time in a long time, I'm not just eating because I have a taste craving or because it's simply an activity to engage in. I feel hungry again, a sensation I'd become mostly unfamiliar with in the last couple of years. I'm making much better food choices and I've become aware of what a bad example I've been setting for my children. I let them eat WAY too much candy; instead of a special treat, it's an everyday expectation. They've been eating more fruits, veggies and dairy now that I have it in the house.

In addition to losing 3 pounds, I got my haircut and that always makes me feel like a new woman.

(Thanks, Monica, for taking my picture after the haircut!)

I'm looking forward to week 2 of the challenge. If you're so inclined, PLEASE join us! Just leave a comment on one of the recent posts here and Audrey will hook you up. It helps so much to have this community of friends working toward a common goal and supporting one another.

Cowgirl #2 in the making

2010-03-07T21:23:00.005-07:00

Things are starting to thaw around here. But don't mistake that for Spring, I'm certain there's more Winter waiting around the corner to burst our bubble.

With the thaw comes plenty of mud and thoughts of summer horseback riding. Dan's been thinking about who's going to ride what horse this summer, and he decided that for Lily to improve as a rider she needs to move up in horse. Apache is a great kids horse and ideal for learning to ride on, but for competing in barrel racing and learning to be a better rider on the ranch (accelerating and turning a lot and being able to "cut" cows to separate them), Lily needs to advance to the next level. Dan says she needs to get an "intermediate" horse that's better than Apache but not quite as good as a 4H quality horse because we can't afford one of those right now. I'm not sure at this point what an "intermediate" horse is, but Dan is on the lookout.

We've always planned for Amelia to inherit Apache when Lily outgrew him, but Amelia's only 3 and not quite ready to ride Apache. So Dan put the word out that he was looking for an older, gentle horse that he could mostly just lead around. A buddy of his from Idaho, who Brian does a lot of horse trading with, said he had a 20-year-old horse that he mostly used for pack trips. Because of the horse's age, he couldn't really sell him for much of anything and he didn't want to pay to feed him anymore, so he just gave the horse to us. The horse's name is Mouse and we'll share him with the Nates. He is an awesome little horse and perfect for getting kids used to being in the saddle. As you will see from the pictures, Mouse gets his name from his large stature.

On Saturday morning Dan took the girls riding.

Amelia was nothing short of giddy at the opportunity to ride a horse all by herself. Equipped with her bike helmet she was all ready to ride Mouse with Daddy guiding them with the lead rope.

Dan and the girls did a little "ride-by" so I could take their picture as they headed around the block to the dirt road that runs along the railroad tracks.

This abandoned trailer sits across from our dirt (mud) driveway and although it's an eyesore, it faces east and has the one advantage of reflecting nice warm light into our back door window early on summer mornings. We keep hoping the owners will donate the trailer to the fire department so they can burn it down in a training exercise. If you look on the left you will notice the nice dish mounted to the side of the trailer. It always makes me chuckle; I wonder how much the cable bill was in relation to the rent? Them folks loved 'em some TV!

"I riding all by myself!"

Mouse is still nice and furry with his winter coat.

And here's Lily, the old pro. That girl would be happy riding a horse 8 hours a day.

Riding past our little white house with the red roof. Amelia had to hold on tight with her hands because the stirrups were way too long for her legs. We're going to have to find a different saddle!

Lily has fantastic posture and holds the reins just right. She's really quite a confident rider. Mouse is the ideal horse for a really young rider because he just follows the other horses, you really don't even need to steer him.

This picture really shows how small Mouse is. Apache is a fairly small horse and he totally dwarfs Mouse!

I love this picture of the ranch dogs, Millie and Skyley, chasing after the riders. They've always got to be chasing and herding someone or something!

These pictures represent one of my very most favorite things about living in rural Wyoming. My kids would have never had this opportunity living in the city, and it gives Dan great joy to teach them to ride and spend time with his kids on horseback. I often smile and think of my Gram and Grandad and how they surely are smiling down from heaven on the next generation of cowgirls and future cowboys.

Woobie Love

2010-03-06T08:08:00.002-07:00

Amelia's well-loved Woobie finally started shredding and falling to pieces in January. Our dear friend Brooks Wynn attempted to give Woobie a makeover, but it was in such bad shape that she just started with new fabric and kept a couple of the old ribbon tabs from the original woobie. I intend to post more pictures, but I wanted to post this sweet one for now. I was worried that Amelia might reject the new Brooks Woobie because it didn't have the original fabric, but she is totally in love with it.

My new blog friend, Erin, sent me a great link to learn how to make the images bigger on my blog posts. Thanks, Erin! I found her while browsing for posts about Project Life. She is doing the paper version and I am doing the digital version. I'll have a post about that in the next week.

Lily's Baptism

2010-03-05T05:26:00.015-07:00

Our beautiful Lily was baptized on Sunday, February 28th.

How did we get to be parents of such a big girl? All day I kept marveling at her grown-up smile and how beautiful she looked all in white.

Lily was baptized by her Daddy, which seems normal to most people, but because I did not have that privilege as an 8-year-old child, it is especially important and precious to me to have a husband worthy to administer priesthood ordinances to his family.

Just before taking this picture I said to Dan, "It's been awhile since you've taken one of these photos, huh?" 17 years since the mission days. Wow.

We were blessed to have lots of family and friends at Lily's baptism.

Liesel Wynn, Lily's best friend from Utah came up with my Mom. She was such a big help with Mack the whole time she was here, always holding him and playing with him. Amelia was thrilled with her new-to-her purple dress given to her by her cousin Avelyn Larsen. Avy was decked out in a froofy pink dress that she was all too happy to pose for a picture in!

In addition to Liesel, some of Lily's friends from Cokeville came to her baptism, Kendra Cook and Emma Teichert. Kamille and all of the Nate cousins also came.

The service was simple and brief (much to Dan's liking) with talks by Lily's cousin Dani Allred and Grammie Lois Ann Garlitz. It was such a thrill for me as a mother to stand over the font and watch my husband baptize my child. Amelia was tickled by the whole thing and talked excitedly about how she's going to get baptized when she's older. In fact, she nearly dove into the font when the ward mission leader said the little kids could come right up front to watch. Bishop Dayton made a nice save! Lily's confirmation blessing was beautiful, blessing her to find her place in the gospel and increase her testimony.

As you can see, once the service was over, reverence and decorum prevailed in the foyer:

The girls had lots of fun spinning in their twirly dresses.

Avy's dress was definitely the most spectacular for twirling.

Cousins Avy Larsen and Connor Allred. I think this is the only picture Connor stood still for.

There's that toothless grin! I'm noticing Lily's rosy cheeks; it looks like she was wearing blush. But really, she was just happy (and probably a little flushed from spinning).

Cousin Sedona Donnell and Grammie. Remember this gorgeous baby? Well, she's almost 2 now and even more beautiful. She was a little overwhelmed by the number of people, especially spazzy kids, and more than once she was found kind of standing off to the side just taking things in.

I love this picture of Lily and her Grammie. In Mom's talk she pointed out how many people came to see Lily be baptized and how she can always know there are people who love her.

This is Keith and Lynette Nate, Lily's Wyoming grandparents. We love them so much and they treat us just like their own.

Several of my clan made the trip to Cokeville (photo taken by Liesel- way to go!):
(back) my Aunt Elizabeth Cox, Lily's cousins Gilean Allred & Dani Allred, my sister Becky Allred with baby Emma (and baby #5 set to arrive April 6th), my Mom Lois Ann Garlitz, Dan and Mack Richardson.
(front): 2nd cousin Avy Larsen, my cousin Chris Donnell & Sedona, my cousin Katy Larsen, Lily (looking thrilled to pose for another picture), Amelia and me.

Our little crew with an always wiggly Amelia.

Can you believe how tall this girl is (and I'm cheating and wearing chunky heeled boots)? She's going to be taller than me by the time she's 14.

Liesel and Lily. If you click to enlarge, you will see the girls are wearing matching horse necklaces. Liesel sent one to Lily for Valentine's Day and she has the matching BFF necklace.

I found this great scripture bag for Lily online. I ended up calling the manufacturer, Cedar Fort, and ordering directly from them because for some reason they were back-ordered at several of the distributors. The bag, with shipping, was only $10 and got here in 3 days. Nice! Inside the bag is a brand-new quad set of scriptures embossed with Lily's name. She has been waiting for her own set of scriptures for a long time and was thrilled to get them. Now I want a cool bag like hers, only I have the large print scriptures and the bag only fits the regular size. Bummer!

We are so proud of the kind and happy girl Lily is. She has a great desire to show love to other people and she's never met a person who wasn't a friend. We're thankful she had the desire, in her own words, "To follow the example of Jesus Christ and to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus again."

Surprise!

2010-02-27T12:55:00.003-07:00

Lily is getting baptized tomorrow and Grammie arrived with a surprise for her.

Her BFF from American Fork, Liesel Wynn! Lily said it all, "That's BETTER than a birthday present!"

Finally, the After

2010-02-26T22:11:00.002-07:00

So, four months ago my friend Samantha issued a challenge on her blog to find the messy Hub of my home, photograph it, and commit to making it better. My desk is definitely the most chaotic place in the house:

Then, less than two weeks later she posted the results. And guess what? Mine was the only one that didn't have an after picture. I have hung my head in shame ever since. I've tried a few times to tackle the mess, but other things always seem to be higher on the priority list. But earlier this week I decided that I just simply couldn't tolerate the icky feeling I get when I sit at my computer anymore. Overall I have become a better housekeeper in the last year and one thing I get done almost every day is making my bed. Having that one place in the house that is orderly and welcoming really helps to cheer me up and soothe my nerves. I really need a place like that out in the open where I spend most of my time.

After spending nearly two hours late the other night, I went from this:

to this:

Ahhh, I can breathe! The idea for the wall hanging file holder came from Samantha, who suggested I get stuff up off the horizontal surface of the desk. That has helped a lot, along with purging paper (read a great post on controlling paper clutter here), finding a permanent home for stuff that has been lingering on my desk for months, and getting real friendly with my trash can. The hanging file holder also gave me the push I needed to finally hang the wall shelf that I bought shortly after we moved into this house a year and a half ago!

I know, I know, there are still Christmas decorations on the shelf. But the little angels and the JOY just make me smile and they totally go with the color of paint on the wall. I think I'm going to leave the angels out permanently and put up a picture frame and one seasonal item. But for now, we can all giggle at the juxtaposition of Christmas and Valentine's Day on the same wall.

One change you may have noticed is that in the first picture there is a dark grey printer sitting adjacent to the keyboard. It's my Canon Pixma iP4300. Love, LOVE that printer! Well, I've got this little trouble maker that goes by the name of Mackay and a couple of months ago he did something to make My Precious quit working. My Mom came to the rescue by letting me borrow an old HP printer of hers until I have the money to get mine fixed or replaced. It's the white one you see on top of the desk. And it's sitting atop the premium horizontal space of my desk so that Mack doesn't break it, too.

Now, who wants to place bets on how long my desk will stay looking like this?

A Vision in Purple

2010-02-23T17:20:00.005-07:00

I may not be a working girl anymore, but that expensive photography degree hasn't completely gone to waste. Years of practice with Photoshop helped me create this invitation for Lily's birthday party on Thursday:

We only do a friend party every other year, so I try to go all out. I printed the designs on white cardstock and attached them to various colors of purple cardstock.

The majority of the elements came from this kit at Designer Digitals. I just colorized everything in Hue/Saturation to make everything Lily's favorite color. The 8 is from Jen Wilson Designs, my favorite digital scrapbooking site. And the fancy font is called Porcelain and I just downloaded it for free off the internet.

Now, if I can just pull off the horse cake and the spray painted horseshoe craft, the party should be a hit!

Wyoming may be Butt Cold, but at least it's Pretty!

2010-02-21T08:57:00.002-07:00

It's been an unusually dry winter here in Cokeville. Salt Lake City, Springfield, Missouri and even Washington D.C. have all gotten more snow than we have. It has snowed less frequently than usual, but also each snowfall has been pretty minimal. I think the biggest amount of snow we've gotten at once is 4-5 inches. Very unusual.

Something we've had a lot of this winter is fog. And fog combined with freezing temperatures creates the most beautiful, delicate blanket of white over the land.

Each pine needle or blade of grass or leaf is individually encapsulated in frost.

Everything looks as if its been spun in a white cotton candy machine.

There may not be a lot of snow, but we always have an abundance of icicles. This is the view out of the kitchen window, which is on the north side of the house.

You may have to enlarge it, but did you notice there are two flies on the window? Who has flies in their house in February? I'm not sure if it has anything to do with the fact that we live right by the horse corrals, but dang! Crazy Wyoming flies, they must be the toughest creatures around!

This one, above, is my favorite.

Love me some pretty icicles, especially reflecting the blue light from the sky.

Thank you, Frank and Joe

2010-02-18T22:58:00.006-07:00

And thank you, Daddy, for finding the hook to reel Lily into reading.

Lily has loved books and having them read to her ever since she was very small. She started reading in 4-year-old preschool and she has always read at grade level, but it's always been a fight to get her to do her reading homework. More than anything, I think it has to do with her Daddy-inherited lack of attention span. She just can't be bothered with it for more than about five minutes. There has been copious amounts of nagging and nitpicking to get her to concentrate and read consistently ever since kindergarten. It had become a real downer for her and we were worried that she would never love reading.

So a few months ago Dan started reading a Hardy Boys book to her each night at bedtime. Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! She was instantly hooked by the mystery and suspense and the serial nature of wanting to know what happens next. We read books 28, 29 and 30 with her in the fall, then gave her books 1-4 for Christmas. She is now officially addicted.

A couple nights ago I discovered Lily reading in her bed after the lights were out.

One of her Allred cousins (OK, let's be honest and just give the credit to Aunt Becky) gave her a book light for Christmas and I would have never guessed it would be such a big hit!

At first she would just use it for a couple minutes while she dinked around, arranging her dolls and stuffed animals after bedtime. But she has really started using it for reading in the last week or two. I even discovered her reading in the dark at 6:45am the morning after these pictures were taken!

I mean, really, who can resist Frank and Joe Hardy?

The beauty of it all is that it has really changed Lily's attitude about reading. She's no longer afraid of chapter books and she will now pick up picture books and read them to Mack (and occasionally Amelia who may or may not throw a fit about Biggie holding the book.) For her independent reading at home she has gotten hooked on the Magic Treehouse series and I get her a new one at the library each week when I take Amelia to story hour.

The Hardy Boys have become a great bonding time for Dan or I to spend with Lily each night. We're almost done with The House on the Cliff. Next up, The Secret of the Old Mill.

What books do your kids love?

Big Fat Zero

2010-02-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

That's exactly how many pounds I've lost after working out 5-6 times a week for 5 weeks. In fact, when I stepped on the scale this morning I'd gained a pound.

20 pounds in 30 days? I'd settle for 2 pounds in 30 days. I did lose a pound and a half during week four, but then we made sugar cookies with the Nate cousins for Family Home Evening last week, so that was the end of that.

These girls have been my BFF's for the last five weeks:

I started exercising in November, but as is typical for me, I only lasted two weeks before I let sick kids and holiday plans and just plain laziness get in the way of my good intentions. I'd been struggling with what to do for exercise because the weather had turned cold and there's not exactly a Gold's Gym on every corner in a town of 500. Several people have treadmills and elliptical trainers that they use at home, and I was welcome to borrow them, but it just seemed too inconvenient to drag my kids to someone else's house and worry about Mack falling down the stairs or trying to climb on the equipment. And then there was the question of what to do when one of the kids was sick. So, after talking with my friend Julia, I decided to give exercise DVD's a try. I ordered Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred and while I waited for it to arrive I checked out some DVD's from the library. I did cardio/toning and some Pilates.

When I started doing the workouts, my SIL Dianna, who spent a week in our tiny house last summer (without the wood stove taking up half the living room), asked, "Where in the world do you have room to exercise?" Here's a little visual:

(Photos courtesy of Amelia. I think I deleted 27 pictures of the wood stove after prying the camera from her hands.)

I was doing my workouts in the late morning and I found it to be frustrating because Mack was always climbing all over me and Amelia was whining for me to do something for her every 3 minutes.

So when I got the 30 Day Shred video and recommitted to exercising at the beginning of January, I started getting up around 6:15am and doing my workouts before waking Lily up for school. I have been quite surprised to find that I can actually wake up that early and that I like having the quiet time to myself. They say it takes 27 days to form a habit and I am now pretty well in the groove of getting up early and exercising.

It has been frustrating not to see a lot of results after working so hard. My arms aren't quite as flabby and my legs are getting toned, but I haven't really lost any fat. For the first two weeks I alternated between the 30 Day Shred and Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga. I liked the yoga because it really helped my posture and balance, and it gave me a "lighter" day in between the harder workouts. The 30 Day Shred has 3 circuits of 3 min. strength-2 min. cardio- 1 min. abs for a 20 mintute workout with the warm-up. In the first two weeks I gained a couple pounds, presumably from building muscle mass, but it didn't seem like I was losing any fat. I thought maybe I wasn't working hard enough, so in the third week I just started doing the Shred video everyday and moved up to Level 2. After another week of that, I decided that there was too much toning and not enough cardio to accomplish my goal of losing fat. I might be strengthening my abs, but if you can't see it under all that chub, what's the point? I started doing the elliptical a couple days a week instead of the Shred, and that's when I lost that pound and a half.

Enter cookies. And Golden Graham s'mores. And sick kids so I couldn't go to Katie's house to use the elliptical. I just went back to doing the Shred everyday in week 5 (I am up to the Level 3 workout, though.) This morning as I was getting dressed to exercise and I discovered that I was up to 159 from my starting weight of 158, I was just so discouraged. I started the video, did the warm-up, then got down on my stomach to do supermans. I found myself hitting the pause button, sprawling out on the carpet and quitting.

I really don't want to diet. I mean I really, REALLY don't want to diet. I love food. And in the past I've always been able to eat whatever I want as long as I exercise. I'd rather exercise twice a day than have to cut back on the good stuff. But after doing these workouts for five weeks with little result in the way my clothes fit (other than my quads have beefed up so now my jeans are tight on my thighs), I'm gonna have to break down and modify my eating. My main problem is treats.

Have I mentioned that I love sugar cookies?

In fact, I've eaten two while typing this post. I have to get rid of the treats, y'know, so I can start dieting...

Please give me some ideas for healthy snacks and meals, preferably ones that everyone else can stand to eat also. 'Cuz if there's one thing I'm not doing, it's making two separate meals every night. Also, if you have any suggestions for a good cardio workout, please share.

Ok, I'm off to work it with Jillian and the girls while I wait for this to come in the mail.

And I will NOT eat a sugar cookie right after I'm done.

A God of Miracles

2010-02-14T06:25:00.007-07:00

I, and many of you, have witnessed a miracle. We do not know the why's of God's intervention, but I am sure it has something to do with the mission of the Staker family and little Bronson. I count myself blessed to be able to watch it all unfold.

For those of you who have wondered, Sara and I met in 1997 when we both worked at Allen's Camera in Orem, UT. In addition to both being photographers, Sara and I share a love of scrapbooking and in the early years when Dan and I lived with my Mom, Sara and I went to crop nights together often. We have watched each other become mothers and juggle a photography career with parenting, and now we are both blessed to be able to stay home with our children and pursue photography at our own pace as we focus on raising our children.

I want to publicly thank and acknowledge Sara's husband Matt for the nothing short of Christlike behavior he has shown towards Sara during this whole ordeal. I believe it is because of the true charity, unconditional love and forgiveness he immediately extended to his dear wife that he was worthy to call down the powers of heaven in a priesthood blessing to make his son whole. And to my dear friend Sara, I want to say Be of Good Cheer! Every mother gets distracted. The truth is that there is no limit to the diverse ways a child can be endangered, their safety and very lives at risk. Fortunately for the whole human race, the Grace of God and the Atonement of Jesus Christ lift and carry us when our efforts are not sufficient. Our God is a God of love, as surely as the sun rises with each new day.

Mack in the Box

2010-02-07T21:34:00.003-07:00

He's always super helpful with the laundry.

Who is God?

2010-02-06T02:45:00.002-07:00

This is what I KNOW about God:

He is the Father of our spirits. We are His literal sons and daughters.
His love for us goes far beyond what even human parents can fathom.

This is what I BELIEVE about God:

In order for us to truly be tested and prepare to be exalted, we must experience pain and suffering.
Heartache and tragedy are part of the human experience. God's plan designed it to be so. Not because He doesn't love us, but because we cannot progress without it.
Horrible things happen, that is the law of the universe. But God has the power to intervene at any time, in any situation.
God's action, whether in allowing natural consequences to occur or in intervening on behalf of His children, is based upon this question: "What course of action will best mold My child into the exalted being I know he or she can become?"
God's hand is in ALL things. It is up to us to seek understanding of His will and have faith that He is helping us to reach our greatest potential.

That is my simple testimony. I am praying hard for myself and many others to have strength to endure all trials with an eternal perspective, always asking, "What kind of person is God trying to help me become?"

Your Prayers Make a Difference

2010-02-03T10:12:00.003-07:00

There is wonderful news to report on Bronson! Please visit Sara's blog http://www.stakerzxposed.blogspot.com/ to read all about it. Sara shares the details of the accident in her February 1st post, then the newer posts track his progress. But he is alert and responsive.

Thank you for your prayers. They are making a difference! Keep it up!

Are You Prepared to Cope?

2010-02-02T10:05:00.002-07:00

I went visiting teaching with Becca on Friday morning and the lesson really got me thinking some deep thoughts. The lesson was about being self-reliant. We talked about how often the most critical aspects of being self-reliant go beyond physical or temporal preparedness. More than having food storage or being financially responsible, when trials come it is critical to be emotionally and spiritually self-reliant. We have to prepare ourselves to be able to cope with hardship.

I have so many thoughts on this concept. A couple days ago I had a good visit with Zoe, one of the Nate women. We ended up talking about our histories and it got me thinking a lot about how differently people deal with potentially crippling life experiences. There's a lot of crap in the world today. Some of it is inflicted upon us and some of it is due to our own choices. Some make bad choices as a result of their traumatic experiences or poor environment. But the bottom line is that as we become adults, WE are responsible for how our life turns out. We all have an excuse for our behaviors, someone or something to blame our shortcomings on. But ultimately, no matter what we've gone through as children or hardships we've faced as adults, we have to make the choice to rise above our past and become healthier and happier human beings.

When I think of spiritual and emotional self-reliance, I think of having the coping mechanisms to continue functioning at a somewhat normal level when facing hardships. Being able to do the things that need to be done each day to keep yourself, your home and your family healthy and safe. We have to be willing to recognize when we just can't seem to handle things, when we just can't "deal" with life, and we have to do something about it. There are so many different answers, so many different tools for dealing with trauma, disappointment, apathy, guilt, fear, etc. But we have to be willing to explore those tools to become self-reliant.

Depression is a part of life for me. I have accepted that and committed myself to being wise about managing it. One of my tools is medication. Proper and consistent use of an anti-depressant is essential for me. But meds aren't for everyone. So what other tools are there for coping and being emotionally self-reliant?

I credit a lot of my emotional well-being to an intuitive and wonderful counselor who I saw for 8 months in 2000-2001. I had seen a handful of counselors over the years, but Alison was the first one to help me really recognize the root of the unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors I had developed over the years. I went in to see her about one thing, and because of her training, and her sensitivity to the Spirit, she was able to steer me in a different direction and help me realize that my problems had real solutions if I was willing to pursue answers. It was not an easy process. But it changed my life. I learned not only the "why" of my behaviors, but the "how" when it came to permanently altering them. Because of Alison's help, I am now confident that trials and hardship won't break me. Life being life (i.e. HARD) won't completely cripple me. And a truth that I've recognized over the years is that if you've had a long, long struggle with depression, it takes someone special, not just any person who's willing to listen, but someone trained and practiced to be able to teach you how to become emotionally whole.

OK, so not everyone is off the deep end like me. For many people (and for depressed people like me, too) there are many great tools to staying emotionally healthy. Exercise is one. Not only are there the obvious physical benefits, but on the days I exercise I just feel better because if nothing else gets done the whole day, I at least accomplished that. Solitude is another. Taking private time to meditate and just breathe is so essential. I was reading on my cousin's blog last night about how she loved having time to herself because as a mother you feel like there's constantly someone wanting something from you. It's nice to give to yourself every so often. One tool I rely on is having good friends to confide in, to blow off steam with, and just relax with. I've been trying harder to be more social instead of feeling like I can't go anywhere until my house is clean. It really lifts me up to get out of the house for an hour or two. I come home with more energy and willingness to tackle the tasks waiting for me.

To me, emotional self-reliance is a prerequisite to being spiritually self-reliant. If you don't feel good emotionally, there's just no desire and no energy to seek after spiritual things. When I am feeling downtrodden, rather than turning to the scriptures or uplifting music, I would rather just hide and sleep. But when I am emotionally healthy I have a desire to fill myself with spiritually uplifting things.

******************

Since writing this post, a good friend of mine has experienced a true tragedy in her family. On Saturday morning her 15-month-old son drowned in the bathtub. He is alive, but unconscious and on a ventilator. His mother performed CPR as soon as she found him and the ambulance arrived probably within 10 minutes of when he began drowning, but he was in full cardiac arrest when they arrived at the hospital. They were able to restart his heart, but it is unclear whether he will survive and if so, how much brain damage he has sustained. He has been heavily sedated, but they have seen some neurological activity with eye movement and being able to move all four limbs when stimulated.

Though I have shed many tears over my dear friend's situation, I simply cannot fathom the gut-wrenching heartache she and her husband are going through. There has been a whole army of people praying and fasting for little Bronson and his family, and I would invite you to participate. What has struck me is the faith and hope Sara and her husband Matt have shown. They know their family is eternal, they have their testimonies of the gospel and especially the Atonement to uphold them. Seeing this has really hammered home this concept of being emotionally and spiritually self-reliant.

I read a quote in my Young Women lesson on Sunday that, although it was about forming good habits, I thought was precisely the reason that Sara and Matt will be able to cope with their tragedy:

Good habits are not acquired simply by making good resolves, though the thought must precede the action. Good habits are developed in the workshop of our daily lives. It is not in the great moments of test and trial that character is built. That is only when it is displayed. The habits that direct our lives and form our character are fashioned in the often uneventful, commonplace routine of life. They are acquired by practice. (Elder Delbert L. Stapley, Conference Report, October 1974)

There has been a lifetime of effort in building up their spirits and their emotional health to prepare Sara and Matt for this, the most difficult test of their lives. They have strived to teach their sons (4 boys) the gospel and the eternal nature of their family. Sara has always been a doer, one who's much more prone to get up and tackle something full force than allow herself to wallow in self-pity. I dare say that no challenge in her life has come remotely close to what she is facing now, but she has exercised her emotional and spiritual muscles all these years and it has prepared her for the road ahead. In the same situation, I might say, "Well I have no choice BUT to survive." But there is a difference between surviving in the literal sense and being able to endure a tragedy without it completely breaking you. Regardless of the outcome, I believe Sara and Matt will ultimately triumph over tragedy.

Please join me in offering prayers for Bronson and the rest of the Staker family. And take some time today to evaluate where you are emotionally and spiritually. Do you have the faith and the strength to cope with hardship? Are you self-reliant enough for your spirit to survive tragedy? If you find your answer less than you want it to be, I urge you to do whatever it takes to be the very best you. The Lord will help you.

I Covet

2010-01-30T08:23:00.005-07:00

Someday I will own one of these beauties:

Just not anytime soon. With a price tag of $499.00, it doesn't exactly fall in the "need" category. But, oh, it is glorious! I killed our vacuum getting a little too greedy with the wood chips, so I've been borrowing Becca's Dyson every few days. I never thought I'd be one of those expensive vacuum ladies, but this bad boy is amazing! Not only does it have awesome suction on both carpet and hard floors, the way it pivots in any direction is to die for!

Becca says you can get one of these puppies at Sam's Club for $350.00. So maybe in the next year or so I can justify spending that much. Until then, I guess I'll just keep being a mooch (OK, Becca?)