I have been a total crank-pot (not to be confused with crack-pot) lately. I've been tired and irritable, short with the kids, not very attentive to Dan and mostly just in survival mode each day while I daydream about running away from home. I wasn't aware of just how crusty I'd become until Dan pointed out that I seemed to have a bad day everyday.
Dan and I are participating in the Marriage and Family Relations Sunday School class right now and last week there was a quote from Elder Bruce R. McConkie: “From the moment of birth into mortality to the time we are married in the temple, everything we have in the whole gospel system is to prepare and qualify us to enter that holy order of matrimony which makes us husband and wife in this life and in the world to come. … There is nothing in this world as important as the creation and perfection of family units.”
It really made me stop and think: this is it. This is the life I always wanted. There is no, "I'll be happy when XYZ happens". I have a good marriage, good kids, I get to be a stay-at-home mom, I live in a great community, so what do I have to be so bitter about? The answer is nothing. I have absolutely nothing to be chronically cranky about. It's just become a habit.
So I've decided to stop being a bitter beer face and embrace the goodness of my life. Try to keep a healthy perspective when Amelia whines incessantly, Lily rolls her eyes at me, or Dan gets irritated with me (Mack's still young enough that he can do no wrong).
When I figure out a good way to do that, I'll let you know. I'm going to start with positive thinking and affirmations. Any other suggestions?
Oh, and I reserve the right to regress and whine on my blog at any time.
4 comments:
Dude, I think we somehow have similar issues, we're just dealing with it in different ways. Right now, I'm in "totally stoned" mode, where I spend all my extra time reading books or watching movies/tv shows on my laptop, just to avoid doing the really big, complicated projects. I'm totally freakin' useless. I need to get myself out of this rut, and back into a more productive state. I just know when I pop out of it, I'll be kicking myself ruthlessly, going, "Why did I waste so much time??!!!! I'm such an idiot!!!" We just sent Zen's car into the shop today, and the dealership wants $6000 to replace the engine. What??!!!! After many phone calls to his dad and to various car shops, we might be able to get it fixed for under $2000 if Zen does a lot of the work, but still. MONKEYS!!! We got no money for that!! We're considering just getting a new car. We've sunk too much money, in my opinion, into fixing this stupid car. It's time to get something more reliable, even if it means a car payment every month. I don't know. Maybe we'll have to deal with only having one car for a while.
Sorry, I'm totally rambling on about myself and my own issues. Hopefully, your visit to Lori will bring some needed relief, and help you pop out of your own rut.
Please notify my when you figure out how to do it. That information could make you a lot of money. :) I find myself doing the same thing at times. It is definitely a habit that I try to work on each day. I want my family to think of me as the happy fun one, not the grumpy, tired one. I'll keep trying as we expect our sixth child. Ha!
Hormones, is all I can say plus the same daily routine. Break out of your routine and deal with the hormones. The important thing is you want to change, improve and be better at what you're doing and that's the opportunity that this life offers. So just keep trying, some days we just have to endure to the end my friend.
Hey—I kinda of had a freak out and made my blog “private” really quick…send me your email that you log into blogger with and I will add you to the list of viewers so I can still see your comments! My email address is micayladinkel@yahoo.com. Thanks and can’t wait to hear from you!
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