Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Mischief Managed

I've found a new blog that I frequent daily. A couple weeks ago my friend Sara emailed me a link to this Ebay auction. After recovering from my giggling fit, I cruised on over this woman's blog and sat at my computer cackling for half an hour. Apparently the Ebay auction has been forwarded all around the world and now her blog gets 10's of thousands of hits a day. If you're a mom, particularly a stay-at-home mom, there's sure to be something you can relate to. And it just may be the cure to what's ailing you.

In the spirit of blogging about the crazy things our kids do, check this out: Amelia did the ultimate nasty last week. It's the thing that all mothers fear and that which causes dry heaving even at the mention of the incident.

It's my fault, really. We were out of liners for the diaper pail and for the previous couple of days I had just been taking stinky diapers straight out to the big trash can outside the garage. I sure intended to do that on this particular morning, but after changing a poopy diaper, I was in a hurry to finished getting ready and leave the house and I left the diaper on the floor. You know what's coming...

"Mama!!! 'Melia's eating a poopy diaper!"

Oh, crap.

Pun intended.

To my utter disgust, there was poop smeared on the floor, Amelia's hands were covered in poop, and as I yelled, "No!" she smiled up at me to reveal sticky brown teeth. Ewww, Ewww, Ewww (insert visual of my shoulders shuddering and my stomach collapsing with a gagging reflex.) Of course, this had to happen when I was already running late! I threw her in the tub and grabbed a toothbrush with lots of toothpaste and started scrubbing. Amelia thought it was all a funny game and kept trying to grab the toothbrush from me. I kept quietly retching and Lily was like, "what?" Um, your sister just ate poop. Totally nasty!

After I got her cleaned up and we got on the road, I called the camera store where I was headed to return a lens I had rented for the weekend. "Hi, I was supposed to return a rental lens at nine this morning, but I'm running late because my baby ate her poopy diaper and I had to give her a bath." Nice. Real professional.

Naughty bird!!!

Now, I know all you parents out there have an equally yucky poopy diaper story. Let's open up the comments for you to share. Come on, Katy, you can share the Avy diaper fiasco from a couple months ago; Becky, I know you have one; and Don, I seem to remember Rachel hiding in the corner eating an unapproved meal back when you and I lived together!

Let's all have a laugh at the expense of our children. Record it now before you forget it! You wouldn't want to miss out on the opportunity to retell the story as your child is leaving for their prom, now would you?


The Nelson Family said...

I can't believe it - I can't wait for Jane's first poopy experience. I had a friend who's little boy would take his diaper off and smear it all ofer the walls for them to find in the morning!

Amelia is getting so darling! I can't believe how many teeth she has. As for the naked butt photo - Jane was not about nine years old when I posted it :) It's still not considered a real butt yet - just a little squeeze toy!

Anonymous said...

Okay, so nasty and so dang funny!

I am going to come up with something funny to blog about on this topic... check it out!

Christianna said...

Okay, so how do I make it so that doesn't happen to me? I don't think I could take it.

Becky in Wyo said...

Chris, it's not the pooping, although that's gross, too. It's when you feed them black olives and pink icing-covered animal crackers with sprinkles for dinner, and have to clean that variety of barf up at two o'clock in the morning that you really earn your Mommy Merit Badge. Don't worry, you'll grow into motherhood one icky mess at a time.

Lizzy Lou said...

OK, I have to tell one on my first child. He was about three weeks old and had a nasty little case of overly red bottom [and front for that matter.] So I cleaned him up so nicely but thought "that little bum will heal faster if I leave it open to the air". So I put him in a baby basinette with no diaper but carefully wrapped in towels. About then my friend shows up and we chat a minute when she asks to see the baby. Well, there he was schrunnnnnched down in the bottom of the bed, bare naked and peeing like there was no tomorrow without a towel in sight. My friend thought I was depressed and did not know how to put a diaper on. From there on I was vigilant to keep those diapers ON and CLEAN.