I've had to do a lot of deep breathing today. And it's not because of my children this time.
Let me just say this. A person ought to be able to expect a few basic things from their spouse. There are a lot of shortcomings one can fixate on in their partner, but most things are annoyances rather than major flaws. But a lack of commitment, loyalty, and fidelity is just unacceptable. And to be indignant that your spouse won't tolerate your lack of loyalty, well, just go back to high school where you belong and don't come back until you freakin' grow up. It's one thing to recognize your weakness or failing or at the very least, own up to it. But tearing the innocent party down to try to justify your behavior is...I can't even come up with a word to express the loathing I feel.
And while I'm at it, when you marry someone, you should have their happiness as your greatest concern, not your sense of justification or self-righteousness. You may get offended or otherwise dislike someone in your spouse's family, but it is their family, their roots, their comfort, where they came from. And you have no right to try and manipulate them into discontinuing or restricting access to those that have loved them since long before you came around. If you put your money where your mouth is, if you want to do more than give a little lip service to "I just have your/our little family's best interests at heart" then you need to open the door to let your spouse seek solace in the ones who know and love them well. I'm not talking about blabbing your own, personal family problems to your siblings or parents or whoever else. Generally it's much wiser to keep your greivances with your spouse between the two of you. But to restrict, especially by manipulation, your spouse from talking to and receiving love and good cheer and encouragement and just the sense of comfort and safety that can be received from their own family is just wrong. Selfish and warped and wrong.